Snap
by dreamerldv
Summary: COMPLETE. Ashley meets the person from her dreams.


_The house was big, not as big as the one in L.A. but that didn't matter. Looking around, she saw her Daddy hugging a woman. She looked away from them and walked into the house. Her footsteps were timid and lacking child energy. The little girl walked to the back and stared out the window. Woods surrounded the area, they weren't creepy like ones in movies. They seemed more enchanted. The sun shined over the fresh green land. Small hands grasped the handle and walked out. She was drawn to the woods. Her footsteps changed once she made it outside. Her feet ran with enthusiasm as she entered the beautiful land. She didn't stop until she reached a small clearing. It took her breath away. In the middle of the forest was a huge circle with trees all around the clear ground. The sun shined over the bare land beautifully. Another thing got her attention. A girl with a head full of blonde hair and a disposable camera in her hands stood by a bush. The little girl could hear the chirping birds from where she stood. A snapping noise echoed throughout the woods. The little girl smiled excitedly and called out "Snap!" _

_Startled the blonde dropped her camera and looked at her. She flashed her a toothy grin and ran over to her. The little girl saw the blonde up close and her jaw drop. 'Wow' was all that came to mind when she saw her eyes. They were mesmerizing. _

**xxxxxxx**

Every light in the house was lit; from the basement to the attic. All the windows were exposed, blinds drawn up and curtains pushed aside. Anyone driving through the multi million dollar neighborhood could see the party taking place inside the famous NBA player's home. People of all importance crowded the large living room. Most of them carrying a glass of wine or a piece of shrimp glued to the end of a tooth pick. Waiters and waitresses moved all around carrying platters of expensive food. The music that filled the air was light and enjoyable. Everyone was smiling, not a frown could be seen inside the gorgeous home. But anyone who walked across the marble floor, out the back door, and into the backyard found one frowning soul. She stood in front of the pool, near the diving board, staring down into the deep water. Just a couple of steps and I'll be-

"Darling what are you doing out here?"

Ashley felt hands gently place themselves on her hips and allowed her boyfriend of 7 years to pull her to his chest. Her nostrils were filled with his heavy scented cologne, she could feel the material of his tuxedo against her bare arms. The dress she wore didn't do more than cover her torso and upper thighs. Everything else was exposed. "I just wanted some fresh air." She answered softly, her eyes expressing the truth that her words weren't conveying. Sadness filled her brown orbs, but Aiden couldn't see that. He never saw it.

He hummed as toned muscular arms wrapped around her waist; his chin nestled on her shoulder as he spoke. "It does feel nice out here." He looked up at the sky and avoided the water. He couldn't see the water as anything nice anymore. An accident had ruined that for him. He closed his eyes and pushed the memory away. Today was a happy day, an amazing night. He scored the winning point for his team. The L.A. Lakers were on top once again. He held his lover tighter and nuzzled against her neck. "What did you think of tonight's game?"

The game. Ashley didn't want to think about Aiden's game. They were all the same, pointless to her, but everything to him. She couldn't complain though. She would never complain. The games bought them their home, their cars, and everything else that they owned. She should love the games, but she didn't. "You were amazing Aiden." She praised with force enthusiasm. What else could she say? 'It was the best I ever saw.' She used that line last game. She wondered if she ever used a line more than once. And if he ever noticed. She closed her eyes. He'd never notice. "I can't wait until the next one."

Aiden pulled back and turned her around. He looked into her face and stared quizzically down into her eyes. There was something false in her tone. He had detected a problem for some time now. Ashley going near the pool every night was becoming a routine. It scared him. "Ashley is there something wrong?" He rubbed her upper arms soothingly, trying to generate heat and comfort.

Confusion washed her face. It was all an act, she didn't want to worry him with her problems. It was something she had to deal with. Whatever it was. "Everything is fine." She kissed his lips tenderly. "I promise you." Her eyes moved over to one of their many windows. "You better get back in there. You are their host."

Aiden smiled. "We're their hosts. Your friends are here too, Ashley. And they all came dressed up. Why aren't you in there with them? They've all been asking me for you."

Her friends. Ashley couldn't force a smile this time. The people she considered her friends were selfish, rich bitches. "I'll go in with you then." She said taking his hand. They walked along the paved ground that led to their home in silence. Ashley was mentally preparing herself for her friends. She felt like an actress at times when she was around these people. Entering her home, she looked around and stared at everyone. The rich and powerful, these were the people who made up her world. They made her feel small even though she was one of them. The thought brought on another wave of emotion. It was disgrace that coursed through her veins this time.

A tall woman with blonde hair and droopy blue eyes was the first to greet her with a hug. Her name was Madaline Banks. She lived in the house next to Ashley's. They've been friends for over 3 years now. "Ashley! " She pulled back and smiled widely at her friend.

The brunette smelled the alcohol on her breath immediately. "Maddie, are you having a good time?" She asked unable to stop her eyes from dropping to the wineglass in her hand. She was having a blast.

"Darling Darling Darling! I'm having the best time of my life!" The 22 year old exclaimed looking around for her husband. She had married the successful lawyer over 4 years ago on her 18th birthday. He was 52 at the time but incredibly wealthy. It was worth it for her. He was a respectable man with a nice home and no children. "Phil!" She called out with a slight slur.

"Maddie, I think he's on the other side of the room with Aiden." Ashley forced her to make eye contact by stepping right in front of her. "Do you need something from him?"

The blonde blinked her confusion and then laughed. "No no no no no. I'm fine." She draped her arms around Ashley's neck and laughed. "Oh when are you going to do it too?"

"Do what?" Ashley stepped away from her drunken friend and tried to hide her annoyance. She couldn't stand obnoxious drunk people. The touchy ones were the worst. Folding her arms across her chest, she waited for the blonde's answer.

"Get married!"

Ashley's face went pale at the words.

"It was all over the news! he proposed and you turned him down." She giggled. "Why?"

The question was one she dreaded. Two months ago her boyfriend of 7 years proposed to her in a very romantic way. It was something out of a fairy tale. They had spent a whole week in Disney World. Doing everything, Ashley had enjoyed it, until the last night. They had chose a 5 star restaurant to have dinner. Towards the end, the waiter brought them a gorgeous cake, topped off with a gold ring. It glimmered under the fireworks going off outside. It took her breath away, not from surprise, but from fear. She was scared of death of the ring and the question that followed after it. 'Will you marry me?' The words made her nauseas and she immediately apologized as she stood up and ran from the restaurant. Later that night, she told Aiden she just wasn't ready. He didn't understand, she had predicted that, but he allowed her to postpone her answer until she was ready.

"I'm not ready to be a wife." Ashley answered her friend patiently. Her friends weren't very supportive of her decision. All of them lived off their husbands. Their beliefs were women needed husbands, rich husbands, to be successful. Ashley didn't believe any of it. To her their beliefs were bullshit. She couldn't stand them sometimes. She hated her world. "It'll happen when I'm ready."

**xxxxxxx**

The bag on her back weighed heavily on her shoulders, her jaw clenching at the pain. Black converse that covered pale feet made no sound as they climbed the carpeted steps on the stairs. The floor creaked as she stepped off the staircase, the noise was familiar, having been there since she was a child. Spencer opened the white bedroom door and then stood frozen staring at everything she once knew. It now seemed foreign. There was no sign of the pink paint that covered her walls. Only posters, pictures, and awards were visible. The raven haired 25 year old stepped further into the room and allowed her bag to fall. She fingered the blue blanket on the bed, remembering how it kept her warm at night, and then stared up at the pillows. No dust covered the abandoned cushions, they were good as new to her surprise. She collapsed on the edge of the bed and stared around the room. All she ever thought about growing up was leaving, getting far away and seeing the world, taking as many pictures as she can, and being happy in the process. She had gotten out of Ohio, seen the world, and took plenty of pictures. When did things go so wrong? She wondered fingering the denim covering her legs.

Hearing the familiar floor creak, Spencer turned her attention to the open doorway. She nervously licked her lips as she awaited her mother's arrival. They hadn't exchanged more than a handful of words at the airport. The drive home was just as tense.

Her mother soon filled her vision and Spencer smiled timidly at the older blonde. It was ironic how she grew up a momma's girl and then ended a mother's worst nightmare. "Everything looks good." Spencer managed to compliment through her nervousness. The look on her mother's face exposed her discomfort, being the perfect child she once was, all Spencer wanted to do was make her proud again.

"Yeah. I have been keeping everyone out of this room for so long- it's just how you left it." Paula cleared her throat and then looked away from Spencer. She couldn't deal with the false easy conversations, they had to talk about why Spencer was home again. "I want to save you Spencer. I'll do everything in my power to…to change you."

"To change me?" Spencer repeated in a quiet whisper, sounding more like a scolded child instead of a 25 year old woman. The thought of changing who she was for her mother was saddening, the photographer could feel tears building in her eyes, why couldn't her mother just accept her for who she was? She wondered gazing into the gray eyes that were nothing like her own.

Paula nodded determinedly. "I don't know who or what possessed you to do what you did, Spencer Carlin, but my daughter would have never given into sin so easily. I'm willing to help you, but you must forget about everything you've done in the past. It will no longer exist under this roof."

"A-and if I don't want to change?" Her voice was low, lower than the ceiling fan above them, Paula strained to hear the question and tensed when it registered in her mind.

"Then you will no longer be Spencer Carlin of this family. You will be kicked out and never allowed home." The doctor didn't sugar coat the truth in anyway, she would make Spencer normal again, if fear was what it took, then she'd scare the living hell out of her daughter. "Is that what you want? To be without your family."

Spencer shook her head, her family was all she had. Losing them would be losing everything. "No, I'll try to change Mother." She promised sincerely, lazy tears falling down her face. "I promise I'll change."

"Good." Paula relaxed and noticed the heavy bag on the floor. "I'll let you unpack and get settled. Dinner's at 5."

Spencer wiped her face with her bare hands and nodded. She watched her mother close the door and immediately shot off the bed. There were so many emotions going through her, the overloud was too much for the dark haired photographer. Getting her mind off her mother was her main priority. She walked over to the vanity table in the corner and sat down. Her makeup was a mess.

Spencer Carlin was a photographer. Her hair was black and long, framing the fair skin on her face. It was her eyes that attracted people to her. They were a dark gray, slightly lighter than angry clouds, and sometimes appeared green. Growing up, she always stood out because of them.

Her eyes dropped to her bottom lip. On the far left was her piercing. It was a simple silver ring that she constantly chewed on when nervous or deep in thought. "You're a mess." She told her reflection thinking of everything that drove her back to her parent's house. Her hands moved up to her face and she groaned into her palms. "You really fucked up, Snap."

**xxxxxxx**

_The bark was hurting her legs as she sat on the large branch but that didn't bother her. She was having so much fun staring at everything from the great height she was at. It was amazing how fast she learned to climb a tree. She had her friend to thank for it."Careful Snap, you might falls and get an ouchie." The little girl stated as she watched the blonde walk over to a squirrel chewing on a nut. As predicted, there was a yellow disposable camera in her hand, ready for action. Her parents didn't trust her with real cameras yet. _

_"Will you sign my cast if I broke something?" The 7 year old asked while bringing the camera up to her face. She had a perfect shot of the small creature and quickly captured it. Satisfied, she turned around on the massive branch and walked over to where her friend sat quietly eating sunflower seeds. _

_"Of course I will! With green cuz I know that's your favorite color." _

_"Cool." The blonde sat down and crossed her legs fingering the cut on her cheek. "Ouch, I think I got scratched." _

_The smaller girl looked and immediately crawled over to her friend. "You did!" She stated with concern. Her mommy always said 'if 'you don't clean your booboos you could get sick and die.' She didn't want snap to die. She was the only person she knew who could climb trees. "We needs to go to the hosipetal, Snap!"_

_The blonde shook her head. "Momma works there and it's boring. I'm okay. It just hurts a little." _

_"Does it hurt alots?" A small tanned hand reached up and fingered the small cut. The blonde shrugged a little. "Sort of." The little girl leaned over and kissed the scratch on her friend's fair skin. She pulled back and noticed the smile on her face. "Better?" _

_A blonde head bobbed up and down. "Can you do it again?" _

_The little girl didn't hesitate leaning forward and kissing her friend's ouchie again. Snap was her best friend, she'd do anything for her. _

**xxxxxxx**

The heat of the day was soothing and beneficial for the girls outside. They all lied on lounge chairs soaking up the sun's rays for a nice tan. They were sunbathing at Ashley's house. Her backyard was the biggest and brightest of them all. The brunette lied silently on her lounge while the other three girls talked. She listened to everything they said and disagreed with most of it. Where these people really her friends? She regretted never making friends in high school. Her mind drifted away and she remembered going to King High and being Semi popular. Her friends were cheerleaders and her boyfriend played almost every sport better than anyone else. Everything changed when she got knocked up her sophomore year. Her cheerleader friends turned on her and harassed her every chance they got. It never bothered her, she was happy with Aiden and her growing baby. They were all she needed. And then the miscarriage happened and she was depressed. She withdrew from everyone, especially Aiden and stayed an outcast. The harassment from the cheerleaders only got worst. They all assumed she got an abortion and never left her alone. Her father was the one person she needed the most at the time, but he wasn't around. He had moved to Ohio when she was 5 and had his own family there. Despite the long distance, Raife was still everything to Ashley. Not having him around was devastating. Her desire to live slowly decreased with her grades. It all brought her to the gym one morning. To the pool.

"Darling you really don't need to be out here."

'Darling' Ashley had no idea why people started calling her that. It annoyed her that Aiden picked up on it too. Darling. It wasn't her name. She wondered if 'Ashley' wasn't fancy enough for her rich neighbors. Turning her head, she met Lilianne's playful gaze. Lilianne lived on the left side of Ashley and was a Paris Hilton wannbe. Her father was filthy rich and she lived off his money. Taking it to clubs every other night to buy drinks, get wasted and laid. Her hair was brown with blonde highlights. She wore no top as she sun bathed, but none of the other girls cared. Including Ashley. "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"I think she's referring to your already tanned skin, Darling." Added Dalilah, a mother who lived across the street from the brunette. She was in her early thirties and was considered a MILF. Ashley knew she had plastic surgery to thank for it. "You'll be black if you get any darker."

"I'm not worried about it." Ashley turned away from Dalilah and stared up at the sky. The sun was soothing, it made her feel warm, a feeling she loved since she was little. "Thanks for the concern."

The conversation moved off her tan and on someone else. Ashley didn't listen to them anymore. They were going on and on about someone at their country club. Apparently, they were kicked out for financial reasons. Ashley knew they'd be big talk for along time. It was always big news when someone in their social circle lost their money.

The glass door slid open and Ashley turned her head. She watched Aiden walk out and smiled. He greeted everyone else before her. She didn't say anything when Lilianne got up and hugged him. No jealousy or anything surged through her, which was normal. She trusted Aiden. He finally walked over to her and collapsed on her chair, cuddling with her. They started softly kissing and everyone took that as their cue to leave. Ashley waved goodbye as she watched them go. Relaxing against her boyfriend, she turned her head and began kissing him again. "How was practice?" She asked on impulse. Her thoughts kicked in and she realized it was almost programmed in her to ask him that question everyday after he got home. She wondered if she really cared anymore.

"It was wonderful." He said with enthusiasm and began telling her everything that happened at practice. Ashley listened carefully and even managed to laugh at some of the more funny things he said. He asked her the same thing and the smile vanished. Her eyes dropped from his face to his basketball sweater. Why did everything feel so rehearsed? She was beginning to question her sanity. What was her problem? She didn't feel good a lot of the time and everyday felt the same. It bothered her.

"I had fun with the girls." She answered convincingly. "Relaxing out here."

Her cheek was cupped and she found Aiden's lips. They kissed for a long time, enjoying the sun and their closeness. She felt almost normal again. And then he pulled away and spoke. Ruining the feeling. "When are you going to agree to be my wife?"

Ashley shifted uncomfortably in her seat and sat up. "Aiden I told you I wasn't ready. I'm still not."

He sighed as she got up and walked to the door. All his confrontations about the engagement ended the same; Ashley says she's not ready, gets up and leaves the room. "We've been together for 7 years. What more do you need?" He asked as she reached for the door handle. She didn't stop to answer him, just continued on into the house, leaving him frustrated.

**xxxxxxx**

It has been two weeks since Spencer arrived at her mother's door. Since then, she hasn't found the courage to explore her old hometown of Chardon. She spent most of her time at home, getting used to everything. Her biggest adjustment was work. Before arriving to Ohio, she was a well known photographer. Getting jobs by shooting models, actresses, and products for huge companies. Her career didn't start off extravagantly well at first. She started off as a struggling photographer working at star bucks while trying to make a name for herself. She had started her career in New York in a tiny studio. Her biggest break came when she met Kerry Darin at work. They hit it off immediately. Of course it was her eyes that attracted the woman to her. They soon dated and Kerry got her jobs at her father's work. He was a magazine editor with major connections. It wasn't long before people started noticing her talent. She got jobs from all over the world doing everything from shooting models to taking pictures for calendars. Unfortunately, her work came between her and Kerry. They broke up and it left her feeling unusually free. She lost herself in her work. Traveling the world and sleeping with women along the way.

The house was in total chaos as 9 o clock neared. Spencer realized nothing had changed since she lived there. Paula still stressed over this time on Sunday. She was a total bitch about everyone looking formal and cleaned up for church. Sitting at her vanity table, she removed her lip ring and pulled her dark hair back. The dress she wore was simple. It was navy blue with a big white belt draped over her waist. White heels covered her feet. "Today's the day to be social, Rebel." Her eyes flickered over to the bed and landed on her Camera. It was a Canon EOS Digital Rebel XTi, it was everything to her; her brother, best friend, and life. The large black camera went everywhere with her. It never left her side, she depended on it. "Hopefully the good folk of Chardon don't keep up with celebrity gossip." The name Rachael Henders came to mind and she immediately stopped thinking of the actress.

"Spencer are you ready?!"

Paula's voice floated up the stairs and reached her ears. "Yeah." She replied standing up. Nervous. She was nervous she realized as she ripped down the stairs. She had no idea why. Social events were fun, she should be excited. She'll be seeing just about everyone she grew up with. The town was small and almost everyone went to church. People who didn't go were looked down upon. "What do you think?" She asked her mother spinning around.

Paula's eyes inspected the blue garment. It wasn't too short, but she wished it were longer. She hoped none of the men at church would find it too revealing. None of the younger men around town wanted a hooker. "It looks beautiful Spencer." She praised pulling her daughter into a hug. The first few days were tough on her and Spencer. They clashed heads on a couple of things, but in the end, resolved them. Her daughter was committed to changing, Paula saw that right away and began showering her with the love and devotion she needed. She knew it made Spencer happy. She was all the dark haired girl had. Especially after the horrible incident. "How are you feeling about tonight?" She asked holding her daughter tighter.

Spencer melted into her mother's arms with a smile. She had missed her mother's affection. It was always there when she was younger, she just never realized how much it meant to her. How happy it made her knowing her mother loved and cared for her. "Nervous." She chuckled softly. "I haven't been out of the house yet, I don't know who I'm going to run into."

"It'll be fine, Spencer. You'll see." She let Spencer go and kissed her forehead. "Maybe there'll be a guy there you like."

Spencer looked away from her mother's gaze and nodded. She knew it was only a matter of time before her mother started throwing men her way. Going from a lesbian to a straight girl wasn't going to happen over night, she tried to get her mother to understand this but she never really listened. Paula was convinced God was going to zap her bad intentions away and get her mind on men. Spencer didn't believe this. She didn't even date men in high school, finding boys to be better friends than lovers, the thought of dating one now wasn't appealing. Sleeping with one just made her sick. She loved women. It was plain and simple, almost saddening. She couldn't be that in her small town. Everyone was religious, they'd all be nasty to her, she didn't want that from her family and friends. It was easier being straight in the small town of Chardon. "Maybe." She said to the floor. "I guess anything is possible."

"Don't make it sound challenging." Paula snapped. "Look at me." Spencer did so and their eyes met. "Tell me what you're looking for in a man." She stressed the word man, it bothered Spencer, but she did what she was told. Her mother was getting upset.

She was momentarily speechless, not knowing what she wanted in a guy. "Um, I guess he has to be nice. Not so demanding-"

"What do you mean by that?" Paula asked with controlled anger. Spencer's answers were bothering her. She wanted men without manly characteristics. The frightening part was she wasn't thinking of them on purpose, it was just what she truly wanted.

"I don't want him telling me what to do." She answered easily, not really analyzing her answer.

The older blonde's eyes closed as she sighed. "Like what?"

She thought a moment and then opened her mouth to speak. Her words came out like vomit, she had no control over them. "It really bothers me when I see a guy stress over dinner not being done, or how he can't find socks in the morning and snaps at his wife for his irresponsibility. Another thing is when they demand sex and-"

"Just stop talking." Paula barked opening her eyes. "Are you telling me you want a sissy boy? Someone who won't stand up for himself! A wife!" Paula grabbed her upper arms as her eyes bore angrily into her face. "Is that what you Spencer?! A wife!"

"N-no." She stuttered under her angry gaze. She had never seen anyone so angry before. Her mother must have seen the fear on her face because the hands on her body eased up and then fell. Paula used them to rub her face. Something she did when stressed or upset. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Spencer said rubbing her back. "I don't want a wife." She reassured. "I want a nice strong man." Everything out of her mouth was bullshit, but it relieved some of her mother's tension. "With a respectable job and manners. That's a big one, manners. And respect."

"Is everything alright in here?"

Spencer looked up and met her father's concerned gaze. He was wearing a tailored black suit with shiny shoes. A bible was in his hand as he stared at his wife. The photographer was glad to see her father. He had a way of dealing with Paula that made her listen. "We're fine." Paula moved away from Spencer and wrapped an arm around her husband's waist. "Right Spencer?"

She immediately nodded and smiled, letting her father know everything was alright. "Right. We were just discussing my future….man." The words came out awkwardly, Spencer was still uncomfortable with the idea of dating men but decided it was worth it if she wanted to keep her family. "We're going to be late."

The drive to the church was overwhelming. Spencer listened to her Ipod most of the way, but it didn't comfort her much. Every two minutes her mother would question the song she was listening to. The dark haired woman didn't understand why her mother cared at first. And then it hit her. Not only does her sexual orientation have to be straight, her music has to be too. She stopped listening after awhile and sat back staring out the window. There were more stores and houses than she last remembered, but other than that, everything else was the same. It was the same old boring town.

They arrived at the church and she felt her stomach drop. New SUV's, small cheap cars, sports cars, and mini vans filled the parking lot. There were so many people there. Spencer looked to her left. "How many people do you know?" She asked her mother curiously.

Paula smiled at her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "This is a home for everyone. We all know each other, we're all one big family. I know them all. And you will too."

Great, Spencer thought staring ahead again. They greeted the people holding the door open and introductions began. Spencer met everyone from A-Z. She knew a lot of people from her childhood and caught up with them. Most of the people her age were already married or involved with someone. A lot of the single men were divorced with Children, Spencer realized after a dozen conversations. She wasn't overwhelmed by everyone. She was used to parties and socializing. It was one of the things she was good at.

Feeling her hand in someone's grasp, she turned around and realized it was Paula's hand.

"Spencer there's a family you have to meet. There so excited to see you again."

Spencer was led to the other side of the building by her mother. Her gaze landed on the family she was meeting and she instantly knew who they were. The Davies. Her family was close friends with them. Their Dads even started a car lot together and were business partners. There were four people in all. Raife, Rhonda, Kyla, and Brandon. The man of the house was Raife, he was a fun guy to be around, always smiling and cracking jokes. His wife Rhonda was pleasant, didn't really stick out in a crowd, and was a traditional house wife. Kyla was still a teenager and a very popular chick at her high school. And then there was little Brandon. Four years old and the biggest brat in the house. He couldn't sit still for more than a minute.

"There she is!" The blonde man pulled her into a bone crushing hug. "Man you've gotten big!" He pushed her away and looked her over. "A real woman now." He chuckled as he met her eyes. "Man I remember when we first met. You were this scrawny 10 year old girl with a killer smile. Now look at you! Just gorgeous. How's life been with your folks?" He looked over at Paula, a teasing glimmer in his eyes. "You haven't been too rough on my girl have you?"

"Not at all." Paula replied with a happy smile. "She's been an angel."

"Of course she has! This my girl we're talking about." He looked at her again when Paula was called over by someone else. "So how's life been treating ya?"

Spencer shrugged. "Okay. There's been some ups and downs, but I'm hanging in there." A thought occurred to her as she stared into his dark brown eyes. So familiar, yet not the same. "How's Ashley?" She asked surprising herself. She couldn't remember the last time she thought of the brunette. Last time she saw her was in a magazine. The headlines had read 'FAMOUS NBA PLAYER TURNED DOWN BY LONGTIME GIRLFRIEND.'

Raife was also surprised by the question. Spencer has never asked him about Ashley. He didn't even know she knew about his other daughter. Hardly anybody in town brought her up, nobody remembered her. He only brought her to Ohio once. She was 7 and it was just for the Summer. "She's doing great. Living the high life with Aiden. Have you met Ashley?" He asked curiously.

Spencer opened her mouth to answer, but then quickly closed it when a man announced it was time to be seated. "Excuse me." She told Raife before turning and leaving.

**xxxxxxx**

A whole week of silence; it was killing the brunette. When she and Aiden were in the same room the tension would suffocate her and she'd be forced to leave. It was all due to her leaving the backyard that afternoon. Her boyfriend hadn't said a word since then and mostly slept on the couch or guest bedroom. That left Ashley with herself, which was pretty bad. She kept thinking and thinking and her thoughts were upsetting. After awhile, she ignored herself and hung around her friends.

Now, being in bed, she listened to Aiden shuffle around the room. He had been out with the boys doing guy stuff and was undressing. Ashley stared at the clock and realized it was 1 AM. "Shit." She heard being muttered in the corner of the room.

Turning over, she watched Aiden fuss with his belt buckle in the darkness. It wasn't a simple one. You had to slide the belt into the buckle that clipped it in. But she knew he needed a new one. The one he had was broken. "Let me help you." She slipped out of bed and walked over to the now frozen man.

"I thought you were sleeping." He said removing his hands from his belt.

Ashley shook her head as her hands worked on the stubborn buckle. "I haven't been able to sleep for awhile now." She pulled the belt from his jean loops and looked up at him. The tension was back and she noticed how tired he looked. They shared the same sleeping problem. Another thing she noticed was the sad look in his eyes. It hurt knowing she was the cause of his pain. Reaching up, she cupped his face and brought him to her. He didn't object as her lips brushed against his.

The kiss had awoken something inside the tall man. He put his arms around her small frame and held her against his muscular body. Ashley leaned into his chest as a secure feeling washed over her. His lips, his arms, they made her feel like everything would be alright. The sound of his phone ringing didn't stop them. His kisses soon became insistent as he expressed all the frustration she had caused. It was a bit too much, but she didn't complain. She deserved it and when he pressed her harder against him, she reminded herself again. They walked over to the bed holding each other.

It was apparent how much Aiden wanted her as they stood near their covers. She didn't have time to question what she wanted as he put her down on the bed. She tried to open her mouth but his would always cover hers before she spoke. He caressed her body all over and she just gave in, kissing him back with her own frustration.

He pulled away from her mouth and pulled up her night shirt, sitting back to eye her body before his hands went to her breasts. The hands didn't stay there long, pushing his tongue into her mouth, he was above her on the bed in seconds. She felt the weight of his body on her and placed her hands on his back. Like everything else in her life, it was the same old thing. Hands on his back while he touched her, entered, came and then slept. His upper body was already bare as she felt his mouth over her breast. His mouth went down and started nibbling at the tanned flesh while his hands were removing her pajama pants. He kicked off his own pants and then got on top of her again. They kissed as he entered her. His thrusts were fast and urgent at first but then he slowed down and kept the rhythm slow and even. "I love you," he whispered in her ear as he came. Satisfied, he rolled over and brought her to rest on his chest.

Ashley nodded and closed her eyes, just wanting to sleep. She hoped she'd be exhausted after Aiden had her, but still couldn't sleep.

"You're Dad called." Aiden said into the darkness, knowing Ashley wasn't asleep. "You were out at the time. I told him you'd call back."

"Was it important?" She asked curiously. He usually called her cell after calling the house whenever she wasn't home to answer it.

Aiden sighed. "I told him I was worried about you."

"What!" Ashley pulled herself up and stared down at him. "I don't understand. Why did you say that?"

Aiden sat up slightly and kissed her lips. "We'll talk more in the morning. I'm tired."

"No." Ashley insisted immediately. She wanted to solve the problem now so it wouldn't keep her from sleeping. "Please just tell me now." She requested softly. Her mind would obsess over it until exhaustion overtook her.

"Fine." Aiden agreed after some thought. "Ashley you've been miserable and I saw it at the party we had a while back. You were near the pool, and I was sure-" He stopped talking and shook his head. He didn't want to think about it. He hated thinking about it. "Anyway, I told your Dad I think you needed to get away for a little while and think about my proposal." He stopped her from arguing with a finger over her lips. "He agreed. Ashley getting away from here would do you some good. And it'll give you a chance to think about our future as husband and wife. Me and your Dad went back and forth on this and we came to a decision. We want you to stay in Chardon for a month and do some serious thinking. I'll come get you after that expecting an answer. Does that sound okay?"

Her head was spinning from the information. She rested her head on his chest and sighed. Seeing her father again wouldn't be so bad, she was actually looking forward to it. It'd be something new, out of the ordinary and just what she needed to regain some of her sanity. "We'll talk more about it in the morning." She mumbled while closing her eyes, a smile tilted her lips as she thought about visiting her father. She had missed him and couldn't wait to see his new life in Ohio. She couldn't remember her last visit that well. The house was the only thing she remembered in Chardon. Everything else was gone.

**xxxxxxx**  
Spencer stared at her reflection in the mirror and then ran her hands down her body. Her teeth raked over the silver embedded in her bottom lip as she eyed the shirt covering her torso. It was a forest green Hollister shirt that she wore with light jeans and dark flip flops. Her toenails were painted white, matching the belt in her jeans. "What do you think Zeus?" The photographer turned and faced her dog. The black English bulldog sat on the edge of the bed panting while watching her dress. Spencer had been a junior in high school when she received Zeus as an early Christmas present. He was no longer the hyper 1 year old puppy that she remembered. On her bed was a happy 8 year old dog, well trained and playful, Spencer immediately saw him as her baby again. "It doesn't scream 'stick it in me', right?"

Zeus yawned and then lied down; slobber falling from his droopy lips as he panted. Spencer stared at him and noticed how tired he looked. She hated how old he was getting and regretted leaving him for so long, leaving him at all. She wanted to take him with her when she had left, but couldn't. Traveling with a dog would have been difficult for him and her.

Spencer dropped her hands and walked over to the bed; tumbling forward, she grabbed the 50 pound dog and began wrestling with Zeus. "You're not so tough big guy." She said hugging him from behind. They both had wide smiles as they kept going at each other. Spencer's hair, once nice and neat, became wild as it exploded out of the confines of its bun. Lying on her back, she couldn't stop laughing as Zeus began licking all over her face. "Ahh, Zeus bad boy!" She yelped rubbing behind his ears as he continued his assault on her face.

Seeing the dark haired girl on her back in the bed with Zeus on her belly licking her to death was the last thing Paula wanted to see. She found herself questioning her daughter's abilities to do anything right that concerned a man. "Spencer Carlin!" She yelled, getting the photographer's attention. "What are you doing?! Did you forget about your date?"

"How could I forget?" Spencer asked sitting up. She scooped Zeus up into her lap and ran her hand over his short black hair. The softness tickling her fingertips."You wouldn't let me forget it once this week. You've brought it up everyday at Breakfast and dinner, while I'm watching TV, and then before I go to bed the first words out of your mouth is 'get ready for your date on Friday' Jesus mom you haven't given me much else to think about!"

"Actions speak louder than words and you're showing me that you haven't listened to a word I've said! Look at you!" she waved her hands up and down, motioning her body. "You're covered in dog hair and spit! Chase is going to be here in 10 minutes and you're a mess!"

A frustrated hand ran through dark locks as Spencer looked away from her mother. The past month with her mother was bipolar. One day she loved her to death, she felt like the little girl she once was, and then the next day, she wanted to leave the older blonde and go back to New York be herself and forget everything. But she couldn't. The loneliness would be there, in her studio, where everything had taken place. The feeling would drive her out again, leaving her wandering aimlessly. No, she had to make things work with her family. She didn't want to be alone. "I'll change and fix my hair." She gave in flatly.

Paula was relieved by her daughter's response. She didn't want to fight with the older girl and ruin her date with Chase Martin. The name made her smile. He was 28, divorced with a son and studying to be a doctor. He was a nurse at the hospital she worked at. Gorgeous man with short red hair and light blue eyes, he was everything Paula wanted for Spencer. "Hurry up then, he'll be here soon." She spun around and left the room abruptly.

Spencer kept stroking Zeus' warm fur. Her teeth gnawed at her bottom lip as she stared at the door. She didn't want to go on this date, the rebellious cocky side of her stirred deep within and she fought back the urge to tell her mother to go fuck herself. "What the fuck am I doing?" She groaned getting off the bed and pulling her shirt off. "My career isn't that fucked up." She mused. "My bank account is nice and full. I have my apartment in NYC." She wondered if Kristin's things were still there. The thought deflated her attitude and she didn't feel so riled up anymore. "No, it's better here." She grabbed another polo shirt, royal blue this time, and pulled it over her head. "Come on Zeus."

Paula looked up as Spencer came down the stairs. The older blonde stood at the bottom of the staircase scanning her daughter's body intently. She didn't want to find a thing wrong with her outfit. The smile on her face expressed that she didn't. "Good, I even like that one better than the last. It brings out your eyes beautifully."

Spencer didn't respond as she stepped off the last step and walked past her mother. Zeus followed closely behind not wanting to lose his master. "Want a snack before I leave?" She asked the pudgy black dog while standing near the pantry. The dog barked as she grabbed a box of meat strips. She found the smell nauseating, being a vegetarian, but gave Zeus a couple of bacon strips anyway. He loved them and she loved watching him eat them. His whole backside shook as he excitedly chewed on them.

Spencer placed the box back on the shelf and then moved to the refrigerator. She was thirsty and wanted orange juice.

"Spencer I think Chase is going to take you out to eat. Why don't you leave that alone?" Paula suggested sounding very disappointed. Knowing Spencer wasn't excited about the date was upsetting. "He has no financial issues, I'm sure it'll be a nice place."

Spencer drained the cup of orange juice while her mother spoke. "Maybe. I just hope he doesn't order anything too over the top. You know I don't eat meat right." She blew out casually while putting the orange juice away.

Paula frowned while watching Spencer wash her glass. She had no idea Spencer was a vegetarian. "Honey, you can't be serious." Spencer only nodded. "But you ate meat all the time here. You can do it again for Chase."

"I'm not going to change my lifestyle for Chase." She spun on her heels and faced her mother. Paula looked angry, the expression wasn't new to her. She had seen it so many times in the past month and every time she saw it, she gave into her mother and did her best to make it go away. But she couldn't do that this time. "I haven't had meat in four years. I'm not starting now."

Paula threw her hands in the air just giving up and walked away, leaving Spencer alone in the kitchen with Zeus. She looked down at her furry baby "I can only imagine what you've had to go through living with her." She laughed, her lips fully opening to expose clean white teeth. "Oh I'm sorry little guy." She knelt down and pulled him into a hug, not caring about her new shirt. Chase could suck it if he didn't like the way her dog smelled.

Arthur got up from his office seat when he heard a knock on the door. His office was a small room in the living room, not too far from the front door. He assumed it was Chase, his arrival was all Paula talked about, especially when Spencer was around. He didn't like how hard she was on Spencer, but decided to let her do what she wanted with their daughter. From what Paula told him, she had given into sin and needed major help. The only thing was, she wouldn't tell him exactly what Spencer did. He immediately thought drugs, but the dark haired photographer showed no signs of having a drug problem.

The door swung open and there stood Chase Martin. He was a respectable looking man; nice and tall, short red hair, light blue eyes. He wore a navy blue polo shirt with blue jeans and socks under his Nike shoes. "Hello there, you must be Mr. Carlin." A hand was held out to him and Arthur immediately took it, liking the young man already.

"Please come in," He beckoned opening the door wider. Chase stepped in and looked around the living room.

"What a lovely home. It feels cozy and warm. Almost like my Grandfather's home." He met Arthur's gaze and turned on the charm. "You know he fought in the war." The black and white picture of Spencer's grandfather dressed for the military reminded him of the story. He knew by the way Arthur's eyes lit up that he had won Spencer's father over. "Lost a leg but doesn't regret fighting for our country. I look up to him, I hope one day I can be half the man he is."

Arthur took his shoulder and gave a light squeeze. "Those are amazing goals Son. I used to think the same way about my Papa and it's gotten me far."

Spencer was having a hard time believing what she was seeing. Her mother already favored Chase, and her father was quickly warming up to him, it made her sick. If she didn't click with this guy she'd be letting down both her parents. "Hello." She interrupted their tender moment and walked up to them. Paula came in from another room and met up with her. They stood in front of her date, Spencer forcing a small smile while Paula grinned like an idiot. "Chase I'd like to introduce you to my daughter, Spencer Carlin."

Spencer offered him her hand and he took it while speaking. "It's very nice to meet you." He didn't like the thing on her lip, but other than that, she wasn't a bad piece of meat. If things worked out between them, the ring would have to go. He could talk a girl into doing anything. The piercing wouldn't be too big of a problem. "I'm Chase Martin, your date for the night."

Spencer freed her hand as soon as his grip eased up. Chase seemed nice, she found it odd that they were dressed alike. She looked over at her mother and could tell by the look on her face that not only did she notice the same thing, but it bothered her. "I guess we're off." She told Paula awkwardly. This was the first time she had gone on a date with her parents around. She didn't know how to leave.

"Yes, you two should be getting out of here." Paula urged. They all exchanged goodbyes; Paula and Arthur shook Chase's hand and then gave Spencer a kiss.

The door was closed firmly as Spencer stepped off the porch. Chase walked passed her to his 2004 Ford pick up truck. It was big and black, Spencer really liked it. She saw herself driving the truck down a deserted road with the radio blasting. In her short day dream, she saw a girl in the messenger seat and even felt a hand on her thigh. In her mind, she turned her head wanting to see her face-

"Pretty nice huh?" Spencer snapped out of her daze and looked at him. He saw the look on her face and knew the truck was getting him laid tonight. It wouldn't be the first time his truck got him booty. It was a hot ride.

"Yeah. I'm considering getting one myself." Hearing the car unlock, Spencer looked at the car and was in love all over again. "But mine will be a newer model. 2008 and the tires will be bigger with black rims."

Chase was momentarily stunned by her answer. It wasn't one he was expecting. "I'm glad you like it." He walked over to the other side of the car and slipped in the driver side, too taken aback to remember to open Spencer's door. He heard the photographer close the door and then started the car. The truck came to life with a roar, he grinned and looked at his date, expecting to see her in awe, but she wasn't. Instead, she was doing something with her cell phone. "What are you doing?" He found it rude that her phone was turned on during their date.

"Making a memo." She paused and looked at him. "Should it be white with black rims or should I just go black on black?"

He stared at her with confusion and disgust. She was chewing on her lip piercing and it was aggravating him. The conversation was also aggravating. Not only did she fail to call his car hot, she wanted a hotter one for herself! "I think this truck is too much for a little thing like you." He looked out the windshield. "You might lose control over a beast like this. It takes man power to drive one of these bad boys." He was teasing but it wasn't funny. Spencer only smirked when he backed out of the driveway and hit her parent's trash cans. "Son of a bitch." He muttered putting the car back in drive.

They drove until Chase pulled into a parking lot. It bothered her that Chase wouldn't tell her where they were going. She just prayed it wasn't a steakhouse. She stared at the large blue sign that read 'Starstruck Lanes' it was in another small town near Chardon. "…Your mother is just something. She took control of the ER and all I could do was stare at her an amazement. Such a strong smart woman…."

That was another thing the dark haired woman found odd. Chase wouldn't stop talking about Paula. She didn't bother stopping him though, she was afraid he'd start talking about himself again.

They got out of the car and walked to the Bowling alley entrance. Spencer made sure there was a distance between them. She didn't want his hands anywhere near her body. It didn't bother her that that was her mentality. The date was already horrible, she wondered if he sensed it. Glancing over at him, she noticed the smile on his face and received her answer.

"After you gorgeous." He said opening the door for her. Spencer didn't feel the need to respond to him. Chase frowned when she didn't give him a smile or a 'thank you' but walked in with a smile anyway.

The line wasn't long. They were the first at the counter and got their shoes and lane quickly. "Do you guys sell socks?" Spencer asked holding her shoes. She regretted bringing scandals.

The teen behind the counter shook her head. "I'm sorry maam. We only have child sizes."

Spencer thanked her and then walked with Chase to their lane. "I'm not putting my bare feet in these." She said taking a seat. Her eyes watched her date closely. The photographer observed his facial expression and body language. They told her he was pissed. It didn't bother her though. She wasn't the one who decided they were going bowling and then decided to keep it from her after she asked 'where are we going' in the truck.

"How about I give you my socks," He stared down at the shoes with a frown. "I'll put these on my bare feet."

Spencer hesitantly agreed. The thought of wearing his socks was unpleasant, but she didn't want to make the date anymore complicated. She had a goal to find Mr. Right, satisfy her mother and live a happy life with her family and friends around her. The goal was nearly thrown out a window when she caught sight of his hairy feet. A wave of nausea swept through her when he held out the used white socks to her. Her eyes closed as she slipped them over her feet.

Shoes on, laces tied and ball picked out, Spencer was ready to bowl. She was on the bowling team in high school, her father was a very skilled bowler and she was better than her two brothers at it. She was going to kick major ass. "I'm up first." She declared grabbing the bright orange ball and walking up to the lane. Her eyes focused on the middle pin as she prepared her shot. Just as she was going to strike, she felt hands on her waist followed by something very hard pressed against her jeans. "What the hell are you doing?!" She demanded turning and glaring murderously into her date's face.

Chase backed up and held his hands up. "Helping you with your stance."

"I don't need any help. You can take your seat again and wait until your turn to come back up here."

The red haired man did what he was told and watched her play with a frown.

Spence started the game off with a strike, surprising her opponent. He had obviously underestimated her ability to bowl. Chase didn't do so hot his first time. He got a gutter ball on the first throw and hit two pins on the second. He walked back over to Spencer feeling embarrassed. The rest of the game continued that way. Spencer would always do so much better than him and he went from embarrassed to pissed off real quick. After hitting one pin he walked away from the lane, needing to cool off.

Spencer ignored him and took her turn. Another strike, she smiled triumphantly and stared at the score. Chase was losing by a long shot. He was also getting really quiet and moody. She had observed him most of the game and noticed his nostril flare every time he got a gutter ball, which happened a lot due to how unfocused he was. The anger was affecting his game.

"I brought us some food."

"Oh." Spencer said staring at the two burgers sitting on the table. She looked at Chase and noticed how much more relaxed he looked. The short getaway had done him some good. "I can't eat that."

Chase wasn't fazed. He assumed she was worried about the safety of the meat. "They're well cooked and the best in town. You'll love em! The meat is freshly taken from a nearby cattle farm…" The nurse trailed off when he noticed her jaw clench. Not a good sign. "What's wrong?"

"I'm a vegetarian," She stated coolly and then stopped when Chase started laughing.

"Quit teasing and eat this. It's good."

The laugh was a cover up for his annoyance, Spencer saw it easily. It was the way his eyes narrowed when he stopped laughing that gave him away. "I don't eat meat. Maybe you can return it and get me a salad or something else." She shrugged not knowing what else to say.

Chase folded his arms across his chest defiantly. "You're eating this burger. Meat has protein and it's stupid that you're missing out on it. Are you looking to die an early death?" He snarled fed up with the photographer. Almost everything she did pissed him off and he was losing every ounce of patience he had with her.

Spencer was just as sick with Chase. He was a demanding asshole with the biggest crush on her mother. He had a short temper and pawed at her more than once during the game, each time being more aggressive than the last. "I'm finished with this date. Just return the shoes and take me home."

Chase didn't say anything as she tore off her socks and shoes. He started eating when she stalked out the building and headed to the truck.

**xxxxxxx**

Shirt, shirt, shirt, jeans, jeans, jeans, sweater, socks, shirt, jeans, tank top, underwear, jeans, one by one they were folded and placed into the large red suitcase. Her hair was a mess, lacking it's usual fierceness and definition. It was just tied together in a loose bun. She didn't wear anything too over the top either. Covering her body was a gray sweatshirt and jeans. Her mind wasn't on Chardon or her father as she packed. It was on Aiden. How would he deal with her being away? Last time she left he had recovered quickly. Dating Madison and having sex, but that was high school. She kept telling herself it didn't matter now. The pain was the last thing that came to mind before Aiden entered the room.

"How's it coming?" He asked stopping near her.

Ashley stood up and faced him. "Packing isn't as stressful as I thought it'd be."

Blue eyes scanned the room and Aiden noticed how everything was all over the place. "I see our maid is going to have a lot to do while you're gone."

"Yeah." Ashley faced her suitcase again and began folding.

"Ashley."

The brunette stopped and glanced over at him.

"You're going to think about it, right?"

She turned away and nodded. "In one month I'll give you my answer."

**xxxxxxx**

Spencer lied on the couch for three hours with her eyes glued to the big screen TV. MTV was having a 'America's next top Model' marathon and she was hooked. Zeus lied by her feet occasionally chewing on her socks. The house was quiet, which wasn't surprising. Since her date with Chase, her Mother had been moody and quiet to everyone in the house. Spencer was glad her father didn't care about Chase unlike her mother who obsessed over it. "It's been a fucking week." She muttered to herself. "She needs to get over it." A tall blonde appeared on the screen. The challenge involved bikinis, gray eyes oogled the model's assets missing the opening and closing of the front door. She was too lost in her mind to have heard it.

Models.

They were fun to shoot. Spencer had no professional guidelines or rules when it came to her clients. If she wanted to sleep with one of them she did by seducing them. Girlfriend or not, she got what she wanted. It wasn't that hard to do. She'd sometimes set her camera aside, walk up to the model and run her hands sensually over her body, positioning her while arousing her. It was her voice, her soft touch, and eyes that got women into her bed. It made her cocky and ended one of her relationships. It's what made her take a step back and look at herself. She didn't like what she saw. An arrogant, sex addicted photographer who didn't know who to trust anymore. Including herself. It's what drove her home.

"Hey Spence." Gray eyes closed as a pair of lips touched her forehead softly. She opened her eyes and smiled up at her Dad. "Watcha watching Kiddo?" Arthur looked up and stared at the screen.

Spencer turned her head. "America's next top model." There was a gorgeous red head on the screen, Spencer considered changing the channel. All the models were getting to her. "Can you turn the AC down?" She chewed on her lip ring as another girl posed for the camera. The girl reminded her of a past conquest. The memory that played in her mind was not TV friendly.

Arthur entered the living room and stopped near the couch again. He stared down at Spencer and smiled at how content she looked being at home. If her problem was drug related, it wasn't much of a problem anymore. "Raife is having a special surprise party at his house. Do you want to come out with me and your mother?"

Spencer absently shook her head. She was content staying at home and eying hot models. Most of Raife's friends went to church. His house would be swarming with everyone from the congregation. Spencer didn't have a problem with them. She loved them on Sundays, but hanging around them with hot girls on her mind was just awkward. She'd feel guilty and not have a good time. "I'm not in much of a party mood."

"Okay, I'm going to go get ready then. Want some cake back?"

"Yeah." Spencer called out as he walked away from her. Her eyes went back to checking out models and she started losing faith. She would never be what her mother wanted.

**xxxxxxx**

Raife Davies stood anxiously at the arrival gate waiting for his daughter to step off the plane and back into his arms. He was dressed sharply in a black suite with a bright pink tie. Under the expensive tailored jacket was a clean white dress shirt that was vanilla scented. On his feet were shiny black dress shoes over expensive dark socks. His rock star days were over but he still had the money to show for his guitar playing.

Seeing Ashley again would bring a huge smile to his face. Last Christmas was the last time he saw her. He had flown over the country to give his daughter her present personally. His little girl was ecstatic at seeing him. He felt the same way. His trip was short lived though. The ticket was a round trip and he couldn't stay longer than a night. Ashley cried on his shoulder at the airport and it brought tears to his eyes. It was then that he suggested she come back with him to Chardon. She declined saying her life was in L.A. with Aiden, which the former rock star didn't see. He loved Aiden to death, the dark haired blue eyed man was perfect, but his daughter didn't smile much around him. It made him wonder.

A group of people came walking his way. Brown eyes searched for their twin glancing at everyone they came across. They finally stopped on the last person. Ashley Davies. It was amazing how fast she grew from a shy little girl to a mature woman. She was stunning absolutely gorgeous as she walked to him. "Ashley!" He yelled out for everyone to hear wanting the world to know how much he had missed his little girl. "I've missed you so much Baby girl."

A smile emerged over Ashley's eyes and lips as her father took her into his arms. They were just as she remembered, warm and loving. "You look great Daddy." She pulled back and then met her Dad's eyes with tears. She had missed him a lot. "Where is everyone else?" She asked looking around for Kyla or Brandon. She had never met them but has seen pictures.

"They're at home waiting for you." He wrapped an arm over her shoulders as they strolled through the airport. It felt good to have Ashley on his side. He was worried after talking to Aiden. The NBA player voiced his concerns to him and basically said Ashley was stressed and needed a vacation. He vowed to make sure she got the vacation she needed.

**xxxxxxx**

The camera felt heavy on her neck but the feeling was so familiar that it was far from uncomfortable. The small green door was opened and the smell of smoke was strong, but that didn't stop converse coated feet from stepping inside the dark room. There were men everywhere and a couple of ladies here and there, but no one too appealing. Spencer observed everyone though. She was looking forward to taking pictures and she didn't want nature, she wanted expressions, action and life. Larry's Bar and Video poker was perfect for it. People having fun, smoking, drinking a beer, playing pool, dancing, it was everything she wanted. And best of all, hardly anyone in the room was church folk.

Spencer walked to the bar and greeted the friendly bar tender. She looked around her age with short brown hair and light green eyes. Her smile was very friendly and warm. "Corona." Spencer answered after being asked 'What can I get you?' The photographer turned around and surveyed the room again. A couple was right there in the middle of the bar dancing like it was their last day on earth. Spencer brought Rebel up to her face and captured their enthusiasm.

"Here you go."

Spencer allowed her camera to rest over the valley of her breasts as she turned and thanked the bar tender. She found her sweet and dropped her a nice little tip.

Music soon filled her ears and she turned her head. The song made her internally cringe. Losing my Religion by REM. It was a great song but she related too personally to it and it scared her. She ignored the music and took her beer. Her eyes scanned for another good shot, but she stumbled upon something else instead. A nice group of middle age men preparing to play poker. The game hadn't started yet so she grabbed a empty seat and smiled at everyone. "Mind if I join you nice lookin fellas?" The men all grinned at each other.

"Nope." The dealer said handing her cards. "But don't go cryin if we tak all your money. Your as sweet as pie and we don wanna do that to ya."

Spencer was touched by his concern. It reminded her of how nice the people in Chardon were, unlike New York where they took advantage of you every chance they got. "I'm a tough little lady, I can fend for myself." And she wasn't lying. Her poker skills were as good as her bowling thanks to her brothers who played the game around her all the time. "Now I really don wanna see you men cry once I rob you blind." They all laughed at this, the girl had spunk, they liked it.

**xxxxxxx**

"Dad." She gasped as she caught sight of the large banner posted on the front of the house. 'Welcome Home Ashley' the sight made her sick along with the number of people crowding the front yard. A party was the last thing she wanted. She turned in her seat and faced her father, but she was met with empty space. He was already outside. "Great." She mumbled knowing she was stuck in her predicament. Her hand shook as she grasped the door handle. She was nervous knowing she'd be surrounded by strangers all day. Even her father's family was foreign to her.

Her feet landed safely on the ground. She was happy with her choice of clothing. A simple skirt with a tank top and flip flops. Her wavy hair framed her face and spilled over her bare shoulders. They tensed once Raife wrapped an arm around them and guided her timid body over the property. She met one person after another. Greeting everyone with a small smile and handshake, she realized it wasn't as bad as she thought it'd be. Some of the nice Chardon people even made her laugh every now and then. A couple of them even remembered her.

The Carlins were not one of those people. But they seemed really nice. And Paula's eyes seemed familiar. They were like the ones she saw in her dreams, but not quite. Those were more intense, more astounding. "Paula, Arthur this is my Baby girl Ashley."

Ashley shook both their hands and then brushed strands of hair off her face. A nice breeze had swept through blowing her hair everywhere. "We should have brought Spencer along." Arthur mused. "You guys look close in age."

"Spencer?" Ashley repeated quietly. The name didn't click anywhere in her mind and she was disappointed. She wished she knew someone else in the small town other than her father. "Is that your son?"

Arthur laughed but Paula didn't. She regretted allowing him to name their daughter after his grandfather. Nathan Spencer Carlin. "It's our daughter." Paula answered. "She's 25 and does something with cameras." She blew out carelessly. She didn't take Spencer's profession seriously. It was more of a hobby.

"She's a photographer." Arthur corrected. "And what is that you do?" He asked curiously.

Ashley's relaxed posture stiffened. She was uncomfortable with personal questions. "Nothing." She mumbled as she ran her hand through her hair. "Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom."

Arthur and Paula watched her leave. "Your daughter is nothing like you." Paula said looking at the former rock star.

Raife shrugged a little. "She's just shy. She'll come out of it." He looked at Arthur. "You need to see my new boat. That baby has some power…"

Ashley entered the house, ignoring everyone in her path. She didn't remember the house. Finding the bathroom was going to be fun, she thought bitterly. Her first instinct was to venture up the stairs, where there were no people. Last thing she wanted to do was run into someone. Her feet made no sound as they crept up the wooden steps.

There were 4 doors lined up perfectly against the wall. She just went with her gut feeling and opened the second one. Her eyes went wide when she caught sight of two figures on the bed. One male, one female, the female being her little sister and only wearing a bra, and the male being her boyfriend completely naked. "Um…um…" She stammered when her sister's brown eyes glared into hers.

"Get out!" Kyla demanded flustered covering her body with a nearby blanket.

Ashley complied and slammed the door on her way out. She staggered back against the opposite wall and cursed when she heard crying. Slamming the door had awoken her napping brother.

Her step mother came flying up the stairs and then froze when she caught sight of her.

The brunette stared awkwardly at her. She felt like crying, everything was overwhelming and she was tired. "Do you know which room I'm staying?" She asked tiredly. She didn't care about the party anymore. She just wanted to be alone.

"Yes, come follow me."

Ashley thanked her and then followed her step mother into the guestroom. She didn't acknowledge anything in the room, just fell on the mattress and closed her eyes. Knowing the dream that would be waiting for her, she smiled and looked forward to seeing Snap.

**xxxxxxx**

The stars stuck out beautifully in the clear black sky like diamonds shining over the earth. Feeling the night air on her skin was one of the best feelings in the world as she walked under them. It was so quiet and still out in the woods, almost eerie, but Spencer wasn't afraid. This was her play place as a child, her kingdom, she felt like its ruler since no one else came out there. The woods were free from any big game that hunters searched for, there weren't any lakes or streams for animals to drink from, and mainly trees covered the green land. It was almost always deserted when Spencer came out to play. Only squirrels and raccoons roamed the land with her, but they were friendly.

She felt so alive walking through the dark forest with her naked skin exposed. Her shirt was removed and thrown in the backseat of the car as she began her serene adventure. Freedom washed over her as she made it to her spot. It was glorious and always took her breath away. A perfect circle with nothing but green grass and moonlight, or in the day, sunlight, it didn't matter what time she came, night or day, the land was always highlighted beautifully.

She took it upon herself to bask in its beauty. Walking to the middle of the circle, she lied back and enjoyed how the grass tickled her skin. Starring at the stars, she remembered being a teenager and imaging her first time there. She smirked at the memory. She wanted to fall in love and bring her first lover there and make love all day and all night long under the sun and moonlight. It never happened though, she lost her virginity to a girl she met in a New York club.

Ashley couldn't look away from her. The way the moonlight caressed her smooth skin, hard nipples, and face left her breathless. She had been smoking quietly against a tree when her goddess appeared. Wearing nothing but jeans and scandals, she wondered briefly if she was crazy. Who went out in the woods like that? And then she watched her lie on the grass and stare up at the sky with a soft smile. Her whole body hummed peace and tranquility that she almost envied the dark haired woman. She wanted to feel peace too, especially after waking up to Kyla and her step mother arguing. Apparently Kyla didn't want her there. After listening to them, she opened a window and escaped their words, running into the forest. She wasn't afraid as she walked through the dark forest as a warm familiar feeling ran through her. She stopped when reaching a gorgeous clearing and then gasped when her goddess appeared. It was the only word she could think of to describe her. Her eyes were mysterious due to the night and her hair was as dark as the sky, her midriff was perfect with barely noticeable abs and her breasts were shapely with pink hardened nipples from the cool air.

She saw herself rising up and slowly approaching her goddess, running her fingers up her abs until they brushed over hard- Ashley abruptly stood up, cigarette falling from her lips as she folded her arms across her sensitive chest. The tug of attraction she felt for the dark haired woman was dreamlike, absolutely nothing she'd ever felt before. It scared her.

Spencer could feel the eyes burning into her skin and could smell the cigarette smoke. It was far from frightening and more like arousing. The person watching her was no man, their breathing was soft and feminine, nothing like a man's. She knew the people in the area and if the woman was older like her mother, she would have been scolded by now, and if the woman was a younger girl, she would have been curious and loud, married women would be with their husbands and children, and single would be at the bar, so who was watching her? She wondered silently hearing the footsteps of her admirer turn and leave, slowly fading away into the darkness. It would be so easy to get up and follow her, but she didn't. A large gray cloud could be seen from a distance and it was slowly approaching her. She decided to get up and leave before it started raining.

She rose to her feet and looked out into the darkness. There was no one there, as predicted, but she still stared.

**xxxxxxx**

Ashley paced back and forth in the guestroom with vacant eyes and a busy mind. Her dreams were no longer there consoling her from the real world. They've abandon her for the last two days. She felt silly for obsessing over dreams that revolved around her younger self and imaginary blonde friend, but she couldn't help it. Snap brought on this joyful feeling that followed brown eyes opening every morning. She missed it. "Why can't you be real?" She said to no one as she collapsed on the bed. There was a light stinging in her eyes signaling tears, she didn't fight them. There was a moment in her life when she believed the blonde girl was real. She had just turned 7 and was starting second grade. That was around the time her mother got concerned about her anti social behavior and sent her to psychiatrists. They evaluated everything she said and concluded this Snap girl was just a figment of her imagination. They drilled the thought into her fragile mind until she believed it, real or not, she always saw Snap in her dreams. Dreams that followed her as she slowly grew up. Dreams that plagued her today. She was dependent on them and it hurt knowing they were slowly fading away.

There was a knock on the door. Her hands immediately shot up to her face. She wiped her cheeks and got up. "Hello Kyla." She tried to smile as she greeted the 18 year old but It was hard considering her younger sister didn't want her there. "Do you need something?"

Kyla rolled her eyes. "Breakfast, they want you there."

Ashley watched Kyla turn and leave before closing the door. She didn't blame her younger sister for hating her. Like Ashley, Kyla was a Daddy's girl and hated having to share his attention with anyone. She was mature enough not to care, but it bothered her that Kyla didn't want to form a relationship. They were sisters after all, they should have one.

With a sigh, she walked to the window and opened it. She needed a cigarette. Her eyes stayed glued to the scenery outside as she picked up a pack of Marbol and a blue lighter. The forest was alive under the bright sun, she could hear the birds chirping from where she stood, it was soothing. The more her eyes took in the green land the further her mind began to wander. Her Goddess. She didn't want to think about the dark haired woman, but she did. Her gorgeous silhouette appeared in her mind's eye and it was all she could see. Every little detail appeared and all she could do was stare at her perfect body. "Stop it!" She shook her head and extinguished the cigarette against the window sill, allowing it to fall from the second floor, she moved away and headed out the door, her body still responding to the Goddess' image.

Breakfast was an awkward affair. Ashley didn't know where to sit at the large table. Too close to her father and kyla would be glaring at her, too far away from Raife and her father would be disappointed, sitting by Rhonda would be uncomfortable, sitting by Brandon would be nerve wracking. In the end, she internally threw her hands up and took a seat next to Brandon. The small boy looked at her with a frown. "Go away!" He yelled obnoxiously.

Ashley didn't have time to respond, Rhonda beat her to it. "Brandon be nice." She scolded firmly across the table. Next to Rhonda sat Kyla who was talking quietly to her father. Ashley looked over at her Dad. He sat at the head of the table chewing on bread, she quickly looked away once Kyla glanced over at her. Walking on eggshells, that's the feeling she had being around her father's family.

"Bad Ashey! Bad Ashey!" Brandon pointed at Ashley, his voice growing louder with each passing word.

The noise was disturbing, Ashley stared helplessly at her father and didn't miss the snarl on Kyla's face. It was obvious she was upset Raife was distracted from their conversation. The brunette picked up a silver fork and then played with freshly cooked eggs. She had to do something to release some of her nervous energy.

"That's enough Brandon!" Raife's voice boomed from the other end of the table, scaring the small boy profusely. His lower lip quivered as tears formed in his eyes.

"But Kywa said so!" He accused pointing his chubby finger at the younger Davies sister.

Raife moved his gaze to Kyla and stared questionably at her. "Kyla why did you tell your brother that?"

Ashley stared at her younger sister. She looked angry.

"You never asked us if we wanted her here!" Kyla exclaimed ignoring the fact that Ashley was still in the room with them. She could careless, she just wanted her gone. All she wanted was her father's attention and that was solely hers.

"It doesn't matter!" Raife's voice rose as he stood up from his seat, staring at all the members of his family. He was fed up with Kyla's attitude and Rhonda's distant behavior toward him. It was obvious the two women despised his daughter being there. "It doesn't matter if you guys want Ashley here or not, I want her here and that's what counts. This is my house, I paid for it and Ashey is staying here until she decides she wants to leave. She will not be driven away from any of you! Do you guys understand me!" Everyone but Ashley nodded, she was content with staring down at her plate. "Good." He sat back down and picked up his fork. "With that said, Kyla." She looked at him. "I want you to show Ashley around town. I have work today."

Kyla immediately shook her head defiantly. "I have plans. Student council is meeting at CiCi's for a meeting and I have to go."

Raife nodded in disappointment and then looked over at his wife. "How do you feel about showing Ashley around town?"

Rhonda looked at Ashley. She was still staring down at her plate, her eyes distant and withdrawn. Her eyes flickered back over to her husband. "If Ashley wants to come with Brandon and me to the doctor than I'll be happy to bring her along." She answered sincerely.

Hearing her name snapped her out of her daze. It took Ashley a moment to realize what Rhonda had suggested and the brunette immediately shook her head when she recalled her words. "No that's fine, I think I'll go out and explore the town myself." She looked at her father and managed to smile a little. "I'll be fine." She reassured after seeing the concern on his face. "In fact," She stood from her seat and approached him. "I think I'll shower and get ready," She kissed his cheek after receiving an 'okay, just be safe' from him. "Breakfast was good." She added quietly before heading towards the stairs.

Kyla was satisfied with her exit and opened her mouth, pretending Ashley was never there. "Well Jared wanted me to ask you…"

Her hair was still damp as she strolled past trees, bushes, and small rodents. The hot sun was hidden from her by massive trees that stood tall with large branches and heavy leaves. They soaked up most of the sunlight from the sky replacing heat and intensity with shade. Ashley didn't like it. She loved feeling the sun on her skin, it was the reason she sun bathed, the reason she was nicely tanned.

Her body collapsed once it reached the bright clearing. The ground was extremely warm as she curled up against the grass and closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun as it shined over her prone form. The Goddess invaded her mind with such ease that it frightened her. Would she be more breathtaking under the sun? Ashley unconsciously wondered. And then she realized how ridiculous she sounded and immediately changed the subject. Her thoughts strayed back over to her family. It seemed her father was the only person who wanted her there. "He's all that matters." Ashley muttered allowing lazy tears to fall from her eyes. Deep down inside, she knew that wasn't true. "Please just get me through this God," She mumbled incoherently before falling asleep.

**xxxxxxx**

Spencer walked up the porch steps and knocked softly at the white door. She didn't wait long for the owner to answer. "Hey Mrs. Miller, can I take bear out with me and Zeus?" She asked kindly flashing straight white teeth. Mrs. Miller was Paula's friend and Bear was her dog and Zeus' best friend. "We're going to do some walking and playing. I might even snap a couple of pictures." The black camera hung loosely around her neck as she spoke.

The large middle aged woman smiled. "Sure you can sweet pea. Bear is in the backyard. Don't worry about a leash, he's well trained." Spencer thanked her and headed to the back. She looked over at the parked jeep sitting in the driveway and waved at the barking dog. Zeus' head was out the window as he called out to her. "I'll be right there Babe." She called out before opening a wide fence. "Bear." She whistled and was knocked down by the big beast. "Noooooo!" She whined keeping her head away from a long assaulting tongue. "Bear down." The dog immediately moved off her and sat patiently aside. "You are trained." She mumbled as she stood up. Her hand reached out and stroked his ears before patting her upper thigh. "Lets go boy." She ran out into the front with the German Shepherd following closely behind.

They stopped at the car and bear immediately hopped in next to Zeus. Spencer closed the door and walked over to the driver's side. "You boys ready to roll?" She drove off once eager barking filled the car.

She drove until reaching the house and opened the back door for the dogs. Once out, she closed all doors and headed for the woods. The dogs loved it there, they could either lie in the cool shade or play under the warm sun. "Come on you two! faster!" She laughed while running freely through her kingdom. Covering her body was a black sports bra, jeans and converse shoes. Her camera jerked around her neck as she abruptly stopped, her feet inches away from the clearing.

Lying in the middle of the sunny ground was a woman with wavy brown hair and smooth tanned skin. Spencer's eyes immediately recognized Ashley as she walked toward the sleeping figure. She heard the dogs somewhere in the woods, she was relieved they far enough to keep from waking the sleeping woman. Her old childhood friend. The photographer silently kneeled down on her knees and observed Ashley. Dried tears stained her face, they were marvelous as they glistened under the sun. The sunlight framed a lean tanned body beautifully as Ashley slept, her hair framing her face perfectly. Her lips even played a role in how gorgeous Spencer found her. They were tilted upward into a natural smile. Her hand nearly shook as she reached out and brushed pale fingertips over soft bangs, briefly feeling the warm skin on her face, she fought back the urge to deepen the touch and pulled back. Rebel was immediately brought up to her face, Spencer waited until the shot was perfect before she took the picture. "So beautiful," She murmured as she released the heavy camera.

The words spoken above a whisper were loud enough to wake Ashley. Brown eyes opened and she immediately looked up. Her breath caught when she caught sight of the gray/green eyes watching her. She'd only seen them in her dreams, it was unreal that she found them in reality, "Are you an angel?" She asked groggily her mind half asleep.

Black hair lightly swung from side to side as Spencer shook her head. The brown eyes boring into hers confused her. They were filled with so much love and admiration that it made her uncomfortable. Her teeth unconsciously raked over a silver lip ring as she continued observing her friend. She had been very observant as a child. Her favorite thing to do when she was three was sit and stare at pictures observing everything from facial expressions to body language. Reading others became natural to her, she usually didn't mind knowing what someone was feeling or thinking, but right now was different. She didn't want to know what Ashley was feeling, but she did. "You're still asleep." Spencer answered softly with the barest hint of a smile. She could see her friend's grogginess easily.

"Oh." Disappointment filled the brunette's tone as she looked away. It all seemed so real… "So you're just in my dreams.." She trailed off when she felt fingers brush over her face, moving strands of hair from her eyes. "Do you feel that?" The warm breath over her face shocked her, her eyes flickered over to the soothing voice and she nodded slowly, her eyes never leaving Spencer's. "Then this isn't a dream."

Ashley was drawn to the dark haired woman by her voice and eyes, they called out to her and she listened. Her body slowly moved up and didn't stop until brown eyes stared directly into gray complex ones. "I want to feel more." The words surprised her and her beautiful Goddess. Her eyes flickered over to the taunt muscles along her jaw and she placed her hand there. "I want-" A sudden yell stopped her mid sentence as she instinctively fell into naked arms. Her face burrowed against pale skin as she asked "What is that?" Brown eyes stared fearfully at the big dog, but it wasn't the dog that caused her fear. Her eyes closed as she nuzzled against the soft skin covering the photographer's sleek neck; fighting back the urge to press her lips against the warm flesh, she turned her head a little. "It's okay Ashley. He's harmless." The words were spoken softly to her as she burrowed deeper into naked skin, just wanting to melt into the dark haired woman. "How do you know my name?" Her lips pressed against the hollow of her throat, she had given into her urge. "Everyone knows you, you're Aiden Dennison's girlfriend."

Brown eyes snapped open seemingly for the first time since waking up. Aiden, Aiden, Aiden, the name was chanted in her mind, it was like a cold bucket of water over her aroused body. She jerked back and looked at Spencer. The photographer saw the fear on her face and released the brunette from her arms. Ashley missed the warmth immediately and wanted more than anything to- Ashley abruptly stood up. "I…I have to go." She tripped over her words and looked away from Spencer. Her body still hummed from their closeness, she had to get out of there.

Spencer watched her leave feeling unusually lost. "Shit." She gasped falling flat on her back. Her eyes stayed glued to the sky as the pounding in her ears began to die down.

**xxxxxxx**

_They walked silently through the clear foliage. The little girl's arms were tightly crossed over her chest as she walked. Her eyes cast down as she kicked rock after rock. "You haven't said anything in awhile." Her blonde companion stated next to her. Brunette waves shook as she looked at her and shrugged. "It's almost august, Snap."_

_"Hey I'll race you to the top of that tree!" _

_Brown eyes watched the blonde take off and yelled "Snap!" Her shorter legs followed after her friend. "Wait up." She cried climbing as fast as she could. "Snap!" She called out again watching the blonde go higher in the tree. "I'm too scared to go up that high!" She called out again, but then she caught a glimpse of her friend's face and her fear wasn't so important anymore. Worried, she climbed until she was on the highest largest branch. "Snap." She said softly, crawling over to the blonde. Her knees were drawn up to her chin, face buried in the pale skin of her upper thighs as her body shook with silent sobs. "Don't cry." The little girl hugged her as best she could and was relieved when the blonde leaned into her. _

_"I just don't want you to go." The blonde choked out. Her face was soaked with tears, eyes red and full of dread as the idea of her friend leaving floated through her mind. "Please don't leave me."_

_The little girl didn't know what to say. She had no control over the situation. She lived in California with her mother. "I'm sorry Snap." She said with her own tears. She hugged her friend tighter as they both cried. When the tears died down she pulled back and stroked her friend's face. She looked so sad. Leaning forward, her lips brushed hers lightly. "I'm sorry Snap." She whispered again staring into the prettiest eyes she had ever seen. They always took her breath away. Knowing she would never see them again brought fresh tears to her eyes. They both started crying again and didn't stop until the rain washed them out of the forest. _

**xxxxxxx**

The sky was dark with angry clouds covering the sun. Trees blew heavily to one side as a violent wind swept through the town. Ashley stood in front of the kitchen sink staring out the window, staring at the clouds. They were a dark gray, similar to her Goddess' eyes. She didn't try to stop herself from thinking about the dark haired woman. It never worked. Her mind always found a way to bring her up and keep her there. Those eyes, she missed staring into them. They were gorgeous with midnight coated hair framing them. Her mind delve deeper and she relived feeling naked warm skin, nuzzling against a sleek neck, staining the Goddess' throat with her lips- she shuddered at the thought. She knew she had a major problem. These fantasies revolved around a woman! It wasn't right, she knew it, but she couldn't help it! The dark haired woman was embedded deeply into her thoughts and she couldn't free herself from them. Tears of frustration filled brown eyes but she quickly pushed them down. Her father had entered the room whistling happily.

"How did yesterday go?" She heard asked from behind. Ashley turned around and watched her father pick at the eggs on the stove.

"I had fun exploring." She wasn't sure if it was a lie or not, If the dark haired woman was a curse or a blessing, everything seemed uncertain to her. "What are you doing today?" She asked changing the subject. Maybe her father could keep her mind off the gorgeous gray eyes that haunted her.

"It's Sunday Ashley." Raife chuckled and looked over at her. "We're going to church. Do you have a dress you can wear?"

Ashley nodded dumbly the idea of going to church making her head spin. Her mother wasn't religious so they never went to church. She wondered if her Goddess would be there. What would she wear? Maybe something green that would-

"Ashley."

Her eyes snapped up and met her father's gaze. "Yeah?"

"I said you should probably start getting dressed." Raife chuckled. "I lost ya for a second, where did you go?"

You don't wanna know. Ashley kissed his cheek. "Nowhere, I'll be ready in a second." The brunette headed upstairs and locked herself in the room. Collapsing on the bed, she grabbed a pillow and cursed into it.

**xxxxxxx**

They arrived late to church. 10 minutes to be exact. There weren't many free seats left, the family had to separate and be seated randomly throughout the church. Ashley didn't want to be separated from her father but didn't have much of a choice. She was guided by a young man to the middle row and seated next to an elderly woman and her sister. They were both very nice to her but she was still uncomfortable around them. It was like that with all strangers…why was she different? She internally demanded when her eyes landed on the dark haired woman. She sat in the first row closest to the stage. Ashley couldn't keep her eyes off her. She felt foolish, like a stalker obsessing over their victim. Is that what she was doing? Obsessing? The thought made her stomach drop, she didn't understand her fascination with the beautiful woman. Was it her eyes? She constantly saw them in her dreams, or was she simply attracted to her? Her eyes closed painfully at the thought. Attracted to another woman? No! You are not attracted to her! She scolded herself smiling at how foolish that sounded. She was straight with a boyfriend who loved her very much. She couldn't be attracted to…

"Spencer Carlin." The man on the stage smiled at the dark haired woman. The name. It was familiar, Ashley remembered hearing it at the party from….her eyes scanned the room for them. She found them sitting in the back. Paula and Arthur Carlin. Those were her parents! Ashley abruptly turned her head and focused on the guy talking into the mic. "We are more than happy to baptize you child." He laughed at the confusion etched over her face. "Your mother came to me earlier with your special request and I'll be more than happy to fulfill it! Spencer Carlin you will be one of God's special children!" The room erupted in cheers and whistles; Ashley was surprised when Spencer turned her head and glared menacingly at her mother, her face paler than usual. It was obvious Spencer didn't want to be baptized.

Ashley turned her head and saw the look in Paula's eyes. They were taunting, demanding, just cold. She looked back at Spencer and was met with an empty seat instead. Panic rose within her, she didn't understand it but the feeling intensified when she saw Spencer stride toward the exit. Without any thought, feeling nothing but the urge to follow the angry girl, she stood up from her seat and walked out behind her, her shorter legs striving to catch up with her.

The sun was out again shining over the crowded parking lot. The nice jeep parked near the church was Spencer's so they didn't have to walk long. Ashley watched her pull out her keys and unlock the black jeep. "Spencer." She said hesitantly stopping in front of the dark haired woman. Gray eyes peered angrily at her but then changed a second later, her face relaxed when she realized who followed her.

"Sorry." The photographer mumbled hating how her mother got to her at times. Baptized, she didn't want that. Why would Paula do that to her? She didn't even have a say in it! She wouldn't go through with being baptized and it hurt knowing her mother wanted to control every aspect of her life. From sexuality to spirituality, it killed her. "I'm hungry, do want to get out of here?"

Ashley was taken aback by the question, but how easily she accepted was even more shocking.

She couldn't refuse gray eyes a thing.

**xxxxxxx**

Spencer drove skillfully down the quiet roads with the windows rolled down and the radio on. It wasn't too loud or low, just perfect. Out of the corner of her eye she watched Ashley look around at everything. "Is this your first time in town?" She asked breaking the tense silence. Stopping at a red light, she turned her head and met Ashley's gaze.

The brunette briefly cleared her throat. "Yeah. My Dad hasn't had much time to show me around." She looked away and stared out the window again. "I've been here before though." She stared at the small general store and frowned when it brought no memories to mind. "Along time ago. I don't remember much." She leaned back in the seat. "Anything really."

Spencer shifted uncomfortably against the fake leather while feeling the eyes on her. A seemingly comfortable silence fell over them as she drove. It did nothing to ease the tension in her jaw. It stayed clenched as Ashley watched her. She wondered why she invited the brunette out with her. She had plans to go to the lake and take pictures, enjoy a sandwich or two by herself under the stars.

Ashley watched the dark haired woman and was oblivious to her discomfort. She wore a short black dress, not too fancy and far from trashy that went amazingly well with her eyes and hair. Her eyes were glued to the exposed skin on her thighs. They looked smooth and sensually, images of her reaching out and – Ashley snapped out of the fantasy before it escalated. She looked at Spencer's face. "Why are you out here?" She wondered out loud a blush forming over tanned cheeks when she realized what she had said. She didn't mean to say it outloud. But it was a good question. Someone as gorgeous as Spencer should live in Cali or Vegas, not in the middle of nowhere.

Spencer glanced curiously at her, the tension in her jaw easing up from amusement. "Why am I out here?" She repeated with a playful smile, the blush on the other woman's face adding onto her amusement. "Like in Chardon?" Ashley nodded shyly. Spencer looked back at the road as she answered, "I was a photographer in New York before I came out here. And then things got….complicated." She sighed softly, the story never leaving her lips before. "I had this-" She thought of Ashley's sexual orientation and didn't want to make her uncomfortable. "I had this…boyfriend who I was in love with, but I was stupid and ruined everything with him." She glanced back over at Ashley and saw the interest in her eyes. "I slept with a lot of the models I worked with," Her voice was laced with shame. "He didn't have a clue. He left me when he found out though. God he was so angry at me, not that I blame him. One of my friends took out a camera while I was with this….actor and took pictures. It was all over the media. I just left after that." She chewed on her bottom lip. "And here I am."

"I'm sorry." Ashley said the first thing that came to mind. It wasn't hard picturing Spencer with gorgeous men, she wondered if anyone as beautiful as her could stay faithful. She could see people throwing themselves at her on a daily basis. She pictured herself doing it. The thought caused her to swallow hard.

Spencer shook her head. "Don't be. It's buried in the past. Besides, I'm having fun being single." She stopped the car and stared out into the water for a moment. "I get to date." She added with false enthusiasm opening the door.

Ashley stared at her with amusement. "You hate dating don't you?"

Spencer grinned. "It sucks horribly."

Ashley watched her slip out of the car and followed suit. Closing the door, she headed to the trunk and immediately regretted it. Spencer stood removing her dress, it was half way off her body when she arrived. Once off, the dark haired photographer threw the black garment into the trunk and grabbed a pair of shorts. Ashley couldn't look away no matter how she tried. It amazed her how comfortable Spencer was with her body. Her very nice body, she looked away. Embarrassed that she was checking her out.

"I have an extra pair for you." Ashley looked at her and eyed the dark running shorts. "Their clean." Spencer added when she noticed her former friend's hesitation. "They'll feel a lot better than that dress..."

"Okay," Ashley gave in, not being able to refuse. "I'll try them on." She accepted the shorts and eyed the photographer's outfit all at once. She wore a strapless black and white bikini top with black shorts and flips flops. Her eyes moved away as she focused on undressing.

Spencer reached in the trunk and grabbed a small blue cooler. She opened it and peered inside. There were 4 small bottles of water, two fake ham and cheese sandwiches, a bag of grapes and animal crackers. Satisfied, she closed it and grabbed a blanket along with another pair of flip flops for her companion. Gray eyes turned and was left speechless at seeing the brunette's body. Sexy as hell would be the best way to describe it. Covering her breasts was a pricy black bra, Spencer looked back in the trunk and grabbed a white shirt, seeing Ashley's discomfort. "This is also clean if you want it." Ashley accepted it with a blush and mumbled a thank you. Spencer didn't understand her shyness. The tanned body near hers was well toned and healthy, topped off with perfect breasts. Spencer looked away, grabbing rebel, she took Ashley's dress and threw it inside the trunk. "Sorry it's such a mess in there." She closed the car and waited for Ashley to slip on her flip flops. "I haven't completely unpacked." She added throwing rebel around her neck.

"It's fine." Ashley looked out into the lake and was blown away. She had never seen anything quite like it. The beach didn't compare to what she was experiencing at the moment. Lunch at Lake Erie with the most beautiful woman in Chardon. It seemed unreal. "My suitcase is mostly packed. I'm ready to take off whenever." Her voice was light as they chose a spot to sit at. Trees covered them from the sun as they sat near the lake. Spencer provided more comfort by rolling out the blanket for them. "And where would you like to go?" She opened the cooler and took everything out, handing Ashley a bottle of water and sandwich. They shared the grapes and animal crackers.

Ashley stared at all the food. Was this all supposed to be for one person? "This is a lot of food Spencer." She looked into gray eyes. "Were you going to eat all this yourself?" She inquired with a smile. The dark haired woman didn't lie. "If I was hungry enough." She added with a light blush. "I have a guy's appetite." She shrugged a little biting into her food.

"That's fine." Ashley opened her bag and picked up the sandwich. It smelled fresh. "And I don't know where I want to go." She bit into the soft bread while watching the clear blue water. It was peaceful, relaxing.

Spencer watched Ashley and enjoyed seeing her in peace instead of tears. "I was expecting something along the lines of 'anywhere Aiden is.'" She was teasing but Ashley didn't take it that way. The photographer watched her expression change from peaceful to disturbed. "I'm sorry." She added quickly not knowing what she had said wrong. "I was just playing."

Ashley looked at her confused. "How do you know to be sorry? I didn't say anything."

Spencer's teeth raked over her bottom lip. "I could see the discomfort on your face when I said Aiden."

"That apparent huh?" Brown eyes dropped to the ground as Ashley placed her sandwich aside, appetite forgotten.

The photographer's sandwich was also forgotten as she crawled over to the distressed brunette. "Does that bastard hurt you?" She had no control over the venom lacing her tone as she spoke. Gray eyes scanned every inch of exposed tanned skin, looking for any sign of abuse. The look of dread and fear over Ashley's face was one she'd seen before. She had a friend in new York who was a victim of abuse and always carried around the facial expression. She hated it.

Ashley was taken aback by the dark haired woman's protective behavior. "No…no he doesn't hurt me."

Spencer's curiosity got the best of her. She picked her arm up and got a closer look at her skin. Something caught her eye and she gasped when she found it. A long faded scar was embedded in her flesh, she caressed it with the pad of her thumb while fighting back tears. "You tried to….." Spencer trailed off and looked at her.

Ashley nodded answering the unasked question. "Aiden saved me. I…did that and fell face first into the pool at school, he came in after me." She moved forward and wiped away the single tear that had slipped from Spencer's eye. "Don't cry." She whispered softly. "I'm better now."

Spencer threw all caution out the window and collapsed against her. Ashley was surprised by the sudden move but embraced the photographer anyway; running her hand through long black hair while rubbing her naked back soothingly. "Why does it bother you so much?" She wondered out loud, staring down at the dark head resting on her shoulder.

"You wouldn't understand." Spencer mumbled against her shirt. She knew if Ashley didn't remember her now, after being in the clearing and seeing her eyes, she would never remember her. But that didn't' stop the photographer from caring about her old friend. Knowing she tried to kill herself was heartbreaking.

"Then make me understand. Spencer why do care so much." Her voice shook as she spoke. It was fearing the unknown that affected her nerves. Why did Spencer care? Why wouldn't she tell her? There were so many questions and little answers it was all frustrating. She held the photographer tighter against her letting her know everything was alright. She didn't know if it was or not, but it didn't matter. She loved holding the dark haired woman, It scared her but she wasn't going to fight it. There was no use, she'd always give into it.

Spencer lifted her head and stared straight into her eyes. The intensity was too much for the brunette, she wanted to look away, but couldn't. Gorgeous gray eyes kept her hypnotized. She lifted a hand and caressed a fair cheek. "Tell me." Ashley begged silently. "Please tell me."

Spencer pulled away from the brunette's touch. Everything seemed out of control as she stared into pleading brown eyes. All the touching, holding, caressing- it was all too much. She reminded herself that Ashley was a straight woman with a boyfriend. "I just got a little emotional I guess." The brunette's face fell, she looked disappointed. What was she expecting? Spencer wondered. "I'm just glad you're alive Ashley. You seem like a wonderful person." She looked out into the lake. "Aiden's a lucky guy."

**xxxxxxx**

"Aiden called."

Ashley closed the front door and looked at her father. He was on the couch with Rhonda sitting next to him watching 'Deal or No Deal.' His arm was wrapped around her body as they watched TV.

"Did he say anything?"

Raife absently shook his head, his eyes never leaving the TV screen. "Nope, just wants you to call him back."

Ashley nodded and then headed up stairs. Aiden. It was the fear of him bringing up the engagement that scared her. She didn't want to call back knowing he'd bring it up sometime during their conversation. She grasped the golden doorknob and turned it, opening the white bedroom door, she walked into the room with a sigh. The lake. She smiled at the thought. They stayed long enough to see the sunset. It was amazing watching the sky turn pink as the sun left for the night. Her eyes had stayed glued to the person sitting next to her. Spencer had this peaceful look on her face that reflected her relaxed posture. Her hand was on the ground near Ashley's. The brunette wanted more than anything to place hers on top of it, but she couldn't and found herself fighting back tears as she moved away from the photographer. "What is going on with me?" She walked over to the queen sized bed and collapsed, her eyes glued to the small phone sitting on the end table. Aiden. She had to call him back. Reaching out, she grabbed the small black phone and dialed his number.

He answered and they talked briefly. Ashley used the 'I'm tired' excused when she sensed the big question. 'Have you thought about the engagment yet?' She was afraid to answer. Spencer was the only thing she could think of, it messed up her mind.

Ashley closed the phone and randomly threw it aside. "Why can't I stop thinking about you?" She wondered out loud, thinking about gray eyes that seemed to look through her.

A knock at the door stopped her thinking. "Come in."

The door opened and Ashley was surprised to see Kyla.

"Hey." The younger girl greeted timidly. "Can I come in for a sec?"

Ashley sat up in bed noticing her younger sister's nervousness. "Sure, take a seat."

"Thanks." Kyla closed the door and got on the bed next to Ashley. They sat silently for a little bit before she spoke. "I've been thinking a lot about what Dad said." She looked at Ashley and smiled a little. "I think we should hang out sometime, you know. Get to know each other."

Shocked, Ashley nodded dumbly. "Okay, um anytime you're free."

"Great!" Kyla got up from the bed with a wide smile. "Okay I'll give ya details soon."

Ashley nodded again as Kyla left the room. She also had a smile as she lied back in bed and closed her eyes. It didn't stay long as Spencer's image soon appeared.

**xxxxxxx**

Dinner was a terrible affair. Nobody said anything all day and all the tension was getting to Spencer. She played with the spaghetti on her plate while eyeing her father. He sat at the head of the table eating peacefully. Her eyes flickered over to her mother's and she caught Paula's gaze. They had been fighting on off for the past two days. It all revolved around the incident at church. Spencer demanded Paula stop trying to control her while Paula demanded she start being more obedient and less stubborn. The dark haired photographer was getting fed up with the older blonde. The urge to leave the small was growing more and more as the days past. "And how was your day? Anything interesting happen at the hospital?" She asked casually while setting her fork down.

Paula shook her head. "Today was uneventful, mostly flu cases." She chuckled a little. "It's amazing how some people mistake flu symptoms for heart attacks. But there was this one guy who came in. I thought he was pretty cute, around your age-"

"Mom." Spencer sighed with a frustrated look on her face. Men. It was one of the things they constantly butt heads about. She didn't want Paula picking them out for her and Paula insisted her instincts would find get her the best man in Ohio. "Just keep your thoughts to yourself." She looked down at her food and decided she wasn't hungry. "I'm going upstairs."

Paula didn't say anything as Spencer got up and walked out the room. She looked at Arthur and watched him rub his temples. "That girl," The older blonde stood up and followed after her daughter. She wanted to understand her daughter's true intentions. If she were looking for a man, she'd allow her to help, but Paula had a feeling there was something else on the photographer's mind.

She reached the top of the stairs and opened Spencer's door. The black haired woman faced her with her arms around her chest and eyes narrowed. "Don't give me that look." Paula spat. It was the same rebellious look she gave as a teenager. "You're not a little girl anymore."

"I know." Spencer relaxed a little and let her arms drop. Seeing her mother was the last thing she wanted to do, but she decided to be civil and allow Paula to lecture her.

She didn't disappoint her. "Spencer you're confusing me. You came here wanting me to help you and now that I'm trying you don't want me to. I just don't know what you want from me."

Spencer sat on the edge of the bed and crossed one leg over the other. She had to ask herself the same thing, what she did want from her mother? If she were honest and brave she'd say 'for you to accept me as a lesbian' but instead she said, "I just want you to back off a little," Hurt flashed over her mother's face, she quickly added, "so I can find the right guy. You can't find that person who fits everything I want. I think only I can do that."

Paula smiled and pulled Spencer up into a hug. She stroked her long hair while holding her tight. "Oh honey, you'll find him." She kissed her cheek. "I love you and I know there is a man out there who will make you happy."

Spencer forced a smile and nodded.

**xxxxxxx**

_Here we go for the hundredth time,  
Hand grenade pins in every line,  
Throw 'em up and let something shine.  
Going out of my fking mind.  
Filthy mouth, no excuse.  
Find a new place to hang this noose.  
String me up from atop these roofs.  
Knot it tight so I won't get loose.  
Truth is you can stop and stare,  
Bled myself out and no one cares.  
Dug a trench out, laid down there  
With a shovel up out to reach somewhere.  
Yeah someone pour it in,  
Make it a dirt dance floor again.  
Say your prayers and stomp it out,  
When they bring that chorus in._

The light liquid slowly drained from the bottle and into an eager mouth. Her throat moved quickly as she drank all the bitter liquid, once the bottle was empty, she threw it hard against a tree. A smile tilted her lips when the glass shattered. The music filling the night air fucked with her mind. It made her angrier.

_I bleed it out,  
Digging deeper just to throw it away.  
I bleed it out,  
Digging deeper just to throw it away.  
I bleed it out,  
Digging deeper just to throw it away,  
Just to throw it away,  
Just to throw it away._

Her feet slowly moved over to the puddle of glass. She stared hazily at it, lifted her leg, and crushed it with her shoe. The sound was satisfying, she stomped a little harder and faster, using both feet now, she jumped violently on the glass.

_I bleed it out.  
Go, stop the show.  
Choppy words and a sloppy flow.  
Shotgun opera, lock and load,  
Cock it back and then watch it go.  
Mama help me, I've been cursed,  
Death is rolling in every verse.  
Candy paint on his brand new hearse.  
Can't contain him, he knows he works.  
Fk this hurts, I won't lie.  
Doesn't matter how hard I try._

Hands on knees, face down, breathing hard- Spencer closed her eyes and shook her head. The words 'I love you' repeated in her mind as she remembered her mother's earlier words. They were all lies and it ripped Spencer's heart.

_And I know that I won't be satisfied.  
So why, try ignoring him.  
Make it a dirt dance floor again.  
Say your prayers and stomp it out,  
When they bring that chorus in._

Spencer leaned heavily against the tree and stared up at the sky. Her body was soaked in sweat as she continued to breathe hard. She grew up her parent's favorite child, she did everything to make them proud, and she loved knowing she made them proud. It was a feeling she thrived on growing up, and it was always devastating to let them down. The photographer thought she was over thriving on it, she wasn't. Her mother couldn't love a lesbian, her mother couldn't love her, Spencer felt like a major disappointment, she was ashamed of herself and knew her mother didn't love her. How could she? She had sinned with other women and would most likely do it again.

_I bleed it out,  
Digging deeper just to throw it away.  
I bleed it out,  
Digging deeper just to throw it away.  
I bleed it out,  
Digging deeper just to throw it away,  
Just to throw it away,  
Just to throw it away._

Spencer laughed bitterly while staggering over to the clearing, to her reason for insanity. A 12 pack of corona lied under the moonlight, Spencer dropped to her knees and grabbed her 5th one. She easily opened it and drained half the bottle. "Fuck," She breathed as she set it down. The alcohol was starting to get to her, she debated on stopping, walking home and sleeping, but then remembered her mother and wished she had more to drink. It was highly unusual for her to drink her problems away, she didn't care, everything she did lately was out of character. Dating guys, going to church, thinking about straight girls- Spencer drank more corona and then paused when she heard a twig snap. She smiled against the glass rim. "How long have you been watching me?" Her head turned toward her admirer. Ashley, who had been hiding behind a bush, stood up and blushed hard. "Was this show better than the last? I'm actually wearing clothes this time."

Ashley stood speechless from embarrassment. The music screaming out the portable Ipod speakers surprised her, it was angry, was Spencer angry? She stared at Spencer, she didn't seem angry, but then she noticed the beer and was concerned. She moved hesitantly over to the photographer. "I'm sorry about that," She took a seat across from Spencer, sitting cross-legged, she picked nervously at the ground as she spoke. "I didn't mean to watch you then, or now." But I couldn't help it.

The photographer shrugged. "Don't worry about it." She grabbed another beer, opened it, and handed it over to Ashley. The brunette took it and murmured a 'thank you.' She wasn't big on beer, but decided she needed one now. She was somewhat uncomfortable around Spencer. The photographer didn't seem disturbed though, she drank her beer while staring out into the woods. Her head was turned and eyes pensive, Ashley was reminded once again of her beauty. " I told you why I was here at the lake," She looked at Ashley. "Why are you here?"

Ashley looked down at her drink as she debated whether to answer or not. She hated talking about her private life, but she couldn't tell Spencer that. The photographer had been more than open with her life. It was only fair that she answer the question. "I needed space." She glanced up at the photographer and swallowed, her eyes were studying her, it made her nervous. "From Aiden."

"Oh." Spencer's curiosity peaked, the beer also blurred the fact that she was prying. She normally didn't care about others lives, but tonight she did. "So Aiden's basically suffocating you." Ashley nodded a little and took a sip of her drink. "Does he follow you around every second of the day wanting to talk or touch?"

"No, he doesn't do that. In fact, we don't see each other much during the day. We kind of do our own thing."

Spencer's brow furrowed. It didn't sound much like suffocation. "So he doesn't suffocate you." Ashley's face went from uncomfortable to distress, Spencer could tell she was finished with the subject, but she wasn't. The photographer wanted to know why she left. "Ashley, why did you leave him?"

Her voice was calm, eyes intense- it made Ashley stand up. She wiped the dirt off her body and set her beer down. "Thank you for that, but I think I'll go now." She wasn't being mean, but she didn't want to talk about Aiden and the determination on Spencer's face told her the photographer wasn't going to let it drop. "Have a good night."

"What is your problem?!" Spencer demanded standing up. She went straight to the brunette and grasped her wrist, turning her around, she was met with her surprised face. "I don't get it Ashley, why are you so uncomfortable talking about him?" Her voice softened along with her grasp, it slid down her arm until she had Ashley's palm in hers.

Ashley found herself lost in gray eyes. Her legs moved on their own accord until she was a hairs breath away from the photographer. Their breaths mingled as her heart raced. Brown eyes fell on parted lips, they called out to her. "Spencer I'm not ready to marry him." She felt the hand holding hers tighten and it only encouraged her to move closer, their bodies touched, it sent a dizzy spell over her. "It's all he talks about and it's driving me crazy because I-"

"Don't love him."

The words were confident and the honesty in them shocked the brunette. She moved completely away from the photographer, taking back her hand, she wrapped her arms around herself, her eyes staring defensively into Spencer's. She didn't seem fazed by her movements, the photographer stood casually in front of her, it was obvious she wasn't going to apologize for her words. "You don't know anything! How dare you say I don't love him!"

"Kerry Darin was amazing because he constantly made me laugh, everything he cooked was delicious, he was tender, sweet, loving- Ashley I can go on and on about him because I loved him. I haven't heard anything positive leave your mouth about Aiden." She smirked. "Do you love him?"

Ashley went rigid. "I don't have to answer that."

Spencer shrugged with a brief head shake. "I don't think you love that guy. He saved your life and you feel like you owe him." Spencer turned around and went back to her case of beer. She collapsed next to it and grabbed another drink. Bringing the glass up to her lips, she quickly drained half the bottle.

Ashley watched her drink and drink until the bottle was empty. She wasn't angry as she approached the photographer and sat down across from her. "Spencer?" She asked the dazed woman. Her eyes were blank as she stared out into the darkness. Spencer looked at her and then smiled with droopy eyes.

"Hmm?" She reached out for another drink.

Ashley reacted and grabbed her hand. "I think you've had enough."

"You do?"

She nodded. "You're starting to look drunk. Lets get you home."

Spencer shook her head. "I'm sleeping here."

The brunette immediately disagreed. "Spencer you can't sleep out here, it's supposed to rain later on tonight. We have to get you home."

Spencer pulled her hand away and crossed her arms defiantly over her chest. "I'm not going home. Mom doesn't want me there."

"I'm not going to leave you out here Spencer."

"So you're spending the night?" The photographer lied back with a taunting smile. "I don't mind sleeping with you. You're boyfriend on the other hand…"

"Why are you acting like this?" Ashley stood up, more than ready to leave. Spencer was being a bitch and she couldn't take it.

Spencer frowned at the angry expression on her face. "Just leave, Ashley." She rolled over on her side and closed her eyes. She was tired and couldn't wait for sleep to claim her. "I'll be fine."

Ashley watched her, her back moved slowly as she breathed, feigning sleep. The brunette found herself feeling helpless, apart of her wanted to leave and head home, but a larger part wanted to put a smile back on Spencer's miserable face. "Spencer." She walked over to the photographer and knelt down. "Spencer." She tried again and was relieved when the photographer rolled over on her back. Their eyes met and it made Ashley's pulse quicken. "I'm not going to leave you out here." She smiled a little, trying to lighten the mood. Spencer's face was serious, it was intimidating. "You can either get up and follow me home or stay here and get soaked, with me sitting next to you." She added a bit shyly.

Spencer sat up and stared amusingly at her. "You'd stay out here with me during a thunderstorm?" Ashley nodded, Spencer sighed. "I guess we're going to your place." The photographer wasn't going home and she certainly didn't want Ashley out in the pouring rain. Even in her drunken state she saw the determination on the brunette's face, it surprised her, but she didn't question it.

**xxxxxxx**

A glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol was the first thing gray eyes saw when they opened. Spencer winced at the morning light and turned her head, groaning into the pillow, she dreaded having to be awake. Her head hurt and she was nauseous, the physical pain sucked, but it wasn't as bad as the embarrassment she felt. She remembered everything that happened the night before and groaned again. She crossed a couple of lines and was a complete bitch to Ashley, it didn't surprise her, she was what people called an 'angry drunk.' It was the reason she hardly drank.

The door opened and she turned her head. Her eyes opened and she was met with Ashley's shy form. The brunette approached her wearing red flannel pants and a white t shirt, her hair was tied back, exposing a freshly washed face and timid smile. "Good morning." Ashley greeted while taking a seat on the edge of the bed. She stressed over this very moment, the moment where Spencer woke up and wondered how she got in her bed. Ashley wasn't sure if she'd remember walking home with her, it wasn't very eventful. They had strolled quietly through the woods and kept quiet all the way up to her bedroom. No one was up when they arrived, to her relief, and they quickly followed the rest of the family and fell asleep after reaching her bedroom. Well Spencer fell asleep, Ashley stayed up for hours lying on her back with her arms at her side staring up at the ceiling. Her thoughts, as predicted, revolved around the photographer. She didn't once look at her, fearing she wouldn't be able to look away, and it made her regret inviting the dark haired woman home.

"Morning." Spencer yawned as she stretched under the covers. She wasn't sure where she stood with the brunette, she hoped they were okay, but doubted it. Once settled, she lied there staring into her old friend's brown eyes. They were exactly how she remembered them. "I'm sorry about last night." Her words were quiet and sincere, she watched Ashley shake her head but ignored it. She wasn't going to let Ashley dismiss her rude behavior. "It wasn't right for me to say anything about you and Aiden-"

"Spencer its fine." Ashley gently interrupted. "There's no reason for you to apologize. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit." Spencer answered calmly. "And I do have to apologize because I disrespected you-"

Ashley shook her head again. "Spencer you were just speaking your mind. It's fine."

"No, Ashley it's not fine. I said you weren't in love with Aiden and it was inappropriate…" She trailed off when the brunette buried her face in her hands and laughed miserably into them.

Ashley picked her head up and looked over at the photographer. "I spent most of the night thinking about what you said and you're right." She swallowed back tears. "I don't love him Spencer." She shrugged. "He's a great guy and I've known him for so long, but there's just something missing. Something I've craved for so long."

"And what's that?" Spencer asked softly. She seemed so sad and vulnerable, It took all of the photographer's will power to keep from moving forward and wrapping her arms around her former friend.

Ashley smiled a little and then looked away. "An unquenchable passion that just lasts forever. I know it sounds silly but I just want to feel that strongly about someone." She looked over at Spencer. "Does that make any sense?"

Spencer brought her knees up to her face and wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees, she nodded. "It makes perfect sense. I think a lot of people look for that. Feelings so strong that they overlap everything else in your life."

"More than that too." Ashley quickly added. "I want someone who is always on my mind, who I can't get enough of, who I always want to touch, who I need to survive." Her lips tilted into a sad smile. "I don't feel any of that with Aiden. Did you feel it with Kerry?"

The question took Spencer by surprise. "Um, I don't think so. Ashley I wasn't the best girlfriend. I was more involved with my work than Kerry. It could have been there, I just ignored it." She shrugged and then reached out for the Tylenol. The pounding in her head intensified along with the conversation. She swallowed the pill and then placed her glass back on the end table, bracing herself.

"Do you feel bad?" Ashley asked softly.

Spencer gazed into her eyes and then scanned the rest of her face. So beautiful, the thought made her uncomfortable. Realization struck, they were on the same bed, alone in the room, door closed, Ashley's breathing was easily heard, so soft… "Ashley," Her voice was a thick, she wanted to say something, anything along the lines of 'I have to go' but then Ashley reached out and her fingertips grazed her dark bangs, she froze.

"God, who ever dyed your hair did an amazing job." Brown eyes stayed glued to the black strands of hair under her touch. They were soft, smooth and nothing like Aiden's. She moved closer and mirrored Spencer's position. They faced each other, sitting cross-legged, their knees barely touching as Ashley explored more of her hair.

Her nerves were bad, palms sweaty, throat dry, stomach twisted- Spencer couldn't stop her body's reaction to Ashley's closeness. She wanted more than anything to run, far far away from the brunette but her legs had turned to jelly. "It's not dyed." She cleared her throat and then smiled when Ashley paused to look at her funny. "I swear."

"You were born with black hair?" Spencer shook her head and Ashley chuckled pulling back her hand, "Make up your mind already."

"I promise I'm not lying. I was born with much lighter hair, but then it started getting darker and darker and wouldn't stop until it was completely black." She looked down and played with the blanket. "Kind of bizarre, my eyes were already freakish, the dark hair sort of topped it off."

Ashley reached out and grabbed her hand, shocking both women. She couldn't stop herself, Spencer sounded insecure about her looks, which blew her mind. The photographer was gorgeous. "Your eyes are breath taking Spencer. I'm sure you hear it all the time."

"Yeah." She pulled her hand back and then stood up from the bed. The contact was way too much for the photographer, it made her nervous. "My parents are probably worried about me." She was going to suggest leaving but then Ashley spoke.

"The phone is behind you."

Spencer looked and then quietly thanked her. She dialed her parent's number with shaky hands. Taking a deep breath, she brought the phone up to her ear and waited for her father. Her back faced Ashley as she spoke. She ended up telling Arthur she was going to be home later. Hanging up, she placed the black phone back on the base and faced the bed. Ashley was nowhere to be seen. It was a relieving sight, and to Spencer's confusion, slightly disappointing.

The dark haired woman left the room and padded down the stairs. She wasn't a stranger to the house, she had been there plenty of times before, but it was different this time. The house was empty. She assumed Kyla was at school, Raife at work, Brandon in day care and Rhonda shopping. Escape was on her mind as she walked off the last step. She couldn't be alone with Ashley in the house. She entered the kitchen, having heard voices, and her thoughts of escape died when she caught sight of Ashley. She sat at the kitchen table staring vacantly out a window. Spencer swallowed down her discomfort and approached her. "What's on your mind?" She took a seat on the chair next to hers and for an answer.

Ashley met her gaze and couldn't answer honestly. She felt bad because Aiden, who should have been on her mind, occupied no space in her thoughts. Spencer ruled every part of her mind, the photographer was all she could think of, it scared Ashley. "It's no big deal. What did your Dad say? I hope he wasn't too worried."

"He wasn't." Spencer looked down. She could easily excuse herself, leave, and not see Ashley again until church. It was safe, smart, and what Ashley needed. She needed to think about Aiden and her feelings toward him. She turned her head and met Ashley's gaze. Her eyes were sad, face hoping- for what? Spencer had no idea, but she couldn't leave Ashley like that. She couldn't leave Ashley at all. "I'm going to take some pictures, get some fresh air, have some fun, wanna join me?"

"I don't want to disrupt your work." Spencer obviously took her photography seriously. From what she was told, taking pictures was far more important to the photographer. It was the reason her past relationships failed.

"You wouldn't be disrupting anything." The words coming out of her mouth were surprising. Spencer couldn't believe them. She normally hated people around her when she worked, it ruined a certain intimacy between her and a scene, but she found herself nearly begging the brunette to join her. "Come on, we'll have fun. I promise."

Ashley thought a moment and then smiled a little, nodded and mumbled 'okay.' It wasn't hard. In fact, she was looking forward to spending more time with the dark haired woman.

**xxxxxxx**

They walked peacefully through the woods until they reached the end. Spencer's jeep was parked in a near by parking lot. Ashley slipped in after her and shifted nervously in her seat. The walk to the car had been quiet and somewhat tense. They were both lost in their minds, Ashley thinking about Spencer and Spencer thinking about Ashley. They were both fearful of each other and the emotions that revolved around them. It was worst for Ashley. The more she thought about everything she was looking for, the more Spencer came to mind. Stop it! She scolded herself. Frustration coursed through her the more she thought about the photographer. She kept her eyes out the window and away from her, thinking it would stop her mind, it didn't. Brown eyes closed as Ashley tried to convince herself she wasn't attracted to Spencer. It wasn't easy, the photographer wore a simple red tank top with jeans and black converse. The shirt left little for the imagination, Ashley was shocked when found herself checking her out. It wasn't right, it made her feel dirty.

Spencer parked the car and then sat there in silence. She looked at Ashley, her head was turned and eyes out the window. "Ashley." The brunette looked at her. "is everything alright. You've been really quiet."

Ashley nodded. "Everything's fine." She smiled and then reached out for the door handle.

Spence watched her exit the vehicle feeling unconvinced. She didn't believe Ashley but wasn't going to pry. With a sigh, she reached in the back and grabbed Rebel. She slipped out of the driver's side and threw the black camera over her neck. A soft smile reached her lips when she approached the brunette. She stood still, her face in awe as she stared at the scene before them. "Pretty amazing, huh."

Ashley looked at her. "Yeah, it takes my breath away." Spencer's eyes were bright and alive, smile planted over her lips. Brown eyes traveled lower to the swell of her breasts, she looked away when she noticed the taunt nipples straining against the red material of her shirt. Jesus, her heart was racing. Ashley closed her eyes and tried to control her body's instant humming. What's wrong with you? "Do you come here often?"

"I haven't been here in years." Spencer reached down and grabbed her hand. "Come on." She lead them further into the park, her mind racing with memories as she picked a spot for them to sit. It was near the creek, the clean water ran through the large land. "I love it here." She watched what seemed like thousands of ducks walk through the park. She loved watching them. They played, swam and flew peacefully around them. "They're so amazing." She whispered while bringing the camera up to her face. Her first picture was of a mother duck and her babies walking into the water. She took several more after that and then quickly stopped herself from getting lost in her work. Turning her head, she met Ashley's gaze. Her brown eyes stared at her in wonder. She all of sudden felt nervous and looked away. "Sorry, I have a knack for ignoring people when I start taking pictures."

"It's fine." Ashley answered honestly. She enjoyed watching Spencer take pictures. The concentration over her face matched the determination of the camera. It snapped pictures non-stop. Snapped. Ashley thought of her imaginary friend, Spencer reminded her of Snap. They both loved cameras- a sudden jolt of Déjà vu struck her. She pushed it away and quickly got her mind off it. "You really love photography." She stated softly.

Spencer looked at her. "I do. My mother couldn't stop me from buying disposable cameras when I was younger." She smiled a little. "And before I got into cameras I would spend a lot of time just sitting and staring at pictures. Facial expressions were my favorite to point out and then I got more into reading body language."

"How old were you when you started doing all this?"

Spencer smiled sheepishly. "Around three."

Ashley laughed as her eyes lowered and landed on their intertwined fingers. Spencer wasn't in any hurry to break the contact, it relieved her, she loved feeling the photographer's hand in hers. It felt right. "That doesn't surprise me. You seem really smart." She glanced up. "I bet you were one of those girls who made honor roll every year."

It was the photographer's turn to laugh, more from embarrassment than humor. "Maybe. I was also a cheerleader." She grinned at Ashley's surprised expression. "What? Am I ugly or something?" She teased.

Ashley smiled. "Far from it. You just seem like the reserved artist type to me." Her eyes playfully roamed her body. "But then again, you have a nice body. I can see it in a small skirt and pom poms."

"Oh god." Spencer shook her head when she remembered her 'short skirt and pom pom' days. They were fun times, but thinking back, she would have changed some things. Like her rudeness towards other people. "We should just assume I was always an artist." She looked deeply into Ashley's eyes. They were naturally kind. "I bet you weren't too different in high school." Her voice took on a playful edge. "Sweet and willing to take home strangers."

"I don't see you as a stranger." Ashley admitted quietly, her eyes dropped Spencer's. "I don't know how to explain it, but you aren't a stranger to me." Spencer held her breath a moment, waiting. She stared intently at Ashley, wanting her to say something about their past, about the summer they spent together. "Is that crazy?" She met gray eyes.

Spencer released the breath she was holding and shook her head. "I don't see you as a stranger either." She hid the disappointment in her voice, a large part of her wanted Ashley to remember her, it was a terrifying hope, but she wanted it to happen. "I guess some people just click like that." She casually pulled her hand back, her mind berating itself for letting it stay in Ashley's grasp for so long. It wasn't right, all the touching and caressing- it felt wrong in the rightist way. "There's a place up ahead that sells popcorn for the ducks. Wanna get some?"

Ashley nodded and watched Spencer stand. The photographer held her hand out to her, Ashley easily took it and missed the contact when Spencer pulled away. She folded her arms across her chest to keep herself from touching the dark haired woman, she found the task incredibly hard.

**xxxxxxx**

The next two weeks were magic for the photographer. Spencer saw Ashley almost everyday in the woods. Their encounters were awkward at first but then became comfortable. They talked about everything, well almost everything. Spencer quickly learned to never bring Aiden up. Every time the name left her lips Ashley would stiffen and become uncomfortable. Spencer understood. Ashley was having major conflicts with her relationship with the NBA star, his name was the last thing she wanted to hear.

"Spencer, Mark is here."

Spencer looked away from the mirror and back at her mother. Mark Wallus was a guy from church that Paula had set her up with. She agreed to go out with him after the older blonde promised to be more lenient. "I'll be there in a second." She told her mother and sighed when Paula left.

Ashley was becoming a distraction. She was all the photographer could think about. Her desire to take pictures started to fade, replaced with the need to see the younger brunette. "Need?" She whispered to her reflection. "She's straight." She told herself but didn't believe the words. Ashley was becoming really touchy with her, taking her hand, touching her arm as she spoke, caressing her face as she stared up at the sky. That was the scariest one for the photographer being far too intimate to be casual. She'd be lying on her back staring up at the sky with Ashley beside her reaching out and touching her face. Spencer always leaned into her caress, wanting to take her hand and kiss it. She would immediately sit up when the urge hit her and say anything to break the tension that followed. "She has to be straight."

For their sake.

Spencer sat on the bed watching Ashley flip through pages of photography. Her photography. She didn't mind, she was used to people seeing her work. They were in Ashley's room, on her bed with a couple of her books lying around. Spencer occasionally peered down at the pages, but it wasn't too often. Some of the pictures brought back memories of who she slept with for that day. They weren't pleasant memories, they reminded her of how unfaithful and cruel she was to the person she was dating at the time. "Wow, she looks amazing." The photographer nodded in agreement, her eyes staying on Ashley.

"There isn't a day when she doesn't look amazing." Spencer looked away as soon as the words left her lips, they were meant for her mind, not Ashley's ears. She blushed when Ashley turned her head to look at her, chewing on her lip ring, she waited for the brunette to look away.

"You never told me how the date went." Ashley said as she watched the photographer give into her nervous habit. She was surprisingly upset when the photographer told her the news. They were sitting under a tree with Zeus in the clearing, laughing as they watched the pudgy dog chase after a squirrel. There was something wrong with Spencer, she had been unusually quiet and far away at times. Ashley had hesitantly asked if she was okay. Spencer nodded and said she was nervous about her date. The words caught the brunette off guard. She looked away and mumbled 'oh' as the jealousy hit her like a ton of bricks.

"Mark was nice." Spencer shrugged, remembering how bored she was with the insurance seller. "Just not what I'm looking for."

Ashley looked back at the book feeling satisfied. She hated her emotions, they were confusing. Jealous? Why was she jealous about Spencer going on a date? Why was she glad that things didn't go well? "These pictures are amazing Spencer." She looked at the photographer. "You should be out there taking more."

"Thank you, but I'm done for the time being." She turned her head and stared out the window. The day was beautiful and bright. Spencer looked back at Ashley. "Let's go outside."

**xxxxxxx**

The room was dark except for the bright light emitted from the laptop. Spencer was transfixed staring at each picture. Her eyes ran up sensually tanned arms poised above lovely brown waves. The memory burned into her mind so hotly that her eyes could no longer stay open. She saw it so clearly. She had been lying on the ground with her head turned to Ashley. She was lying on her back with her eyes glued to the sky. The sun was shining over her, highlighting the light sheen of sweat covering her exposed skin. "Can I shoot you?" Her voice was soft yet pleading as Ashley turned her head and met her gaze. They stared at each other for what seemed like hours. "Please." She added above a whisper. The fear etched over brown eyes was clearly visible, Spencer was about to tell her to forget it, but then she asked her 'why?' The photographer couldn't lie as she stared into her former friend's face. "Because you're beautiful and would take amazing pictures."

Gray eyes opened again and Spencer closed the expensive laptop, lying back against warm blue sheets, she stared up into the darkness. She shouldn't have suggested shooting Ashley. It started with her sitting up and moving to the brunette. "I want…" She trailed off as she straddled the brunette's hips, thinking of the aerial shot she wanted. "Is this okay?" Her voice was shaky as Ashley nodded slowly. Her breathing hitched when a tanned hand moved up and removed the barrier covering firm breasts. "Is it better this way?" Ashley asked with a heavy blush. Spencer could only nod as she felt her body temperature rise. Her eyes scanned the brunette's body and she was reminded of how beautiful Ashley was. "Your arms should go above your head." Her hands reached out and positioned her arms above her head. "Sorry." She breathed as her arm accidently brushed over a taunt nipple.

The memory made Spencer turn over. She stared out the window and her eyes landed on the moon. It amazed her how Ashley trusted her with her body. Spencer took 5 pictures while straddling her hips, the camera focused solely on Ashley's face and breasts and then she zoomed out and got her from the waist up. As predicted, the sun had done an amazing job with her body, but the photographer regretted the pictures. Their breathing had been slightly eractic when she finished, both being aroused. Spencer got up and helped her dress, her fingers brushing over her naked back sent shivers down her spine. She had to get out of there and she did using a lame excuse. "I have to feed Zues." Spencer repeated with a frown remembering the look on Ashley's face. So disappointed and regretful, Spencer wanted more than anything to hug her goodbye, but she couldn't. Her body was on fire from being close to the brunette. The sexual tension was unbearable. "What the fuck are you doing?" She chastised herself in the dark. "She's straight with a boyfriend." She added sadly as gray eyes closed. She needed a break from Ashley, she was messing with her mind, and worst of all, her heart.

**xxxxxxx**

Spencer walked into the bar with mix emotions. She felt shame along with a sense of betrayal with each footstep. The place was packed, as predicted, it was Saturday and everyone was there having fun and getting drunk. She didn't scan the room like she normally did, instead, she headed straight to the bar and ordered a beer. It was the same bartender as before. The photographer looked away when she realized she had been staring at her ass. Her intentions for coming to the bar was to get laid. She had to get rid of some of the sexual energy that Ashley stirred up inside her. Having sex might even get her mind off her former friend, maybe she wouldn't want to see her so much then. "Thank you." She told the bartender kindly, a smile painting her lips smoothly. The bartender smiled back, it was short lived, a man had gotten her attention and was ordering a drink.

Spencer drank her corona while her eyes scanned up the brunette's body. It was nice, she mused while straying on her breasts. They were slightly bigger than hers, she wasn't complaining. She looked up and caught sight of her name tag. 'Gracy.' She wracked her brain f0r any recognition and then froze when it hit her. Gracy Simmons, there was one in her Spanish class when she was in high school. She looked closer at the bar tender's face. "That has to be her." Spencer murmured in amazement. The Gracy she remembered was overweight with little friends. Spencer had been kind to her, they even did a project together, it blew her mind that she was looking at the same girl now. "Gracy." Spencer called out when she wasn't so busy.

Gracy looked her way and then walked over to her. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm just curious." Spencer stood up and leaned forward, staring deeply into her eyes, she knew it was the same girl, just hotter. "Is your last name Simmons?" She continued at her curious expression. "And did you go to Mount Leon High?"

The bartender's eyes narrowed a little as her lips pursed. She stared at the 'stranger' and then nodded. "Yes I did and who am I speaking to? I can't seem to place a name with your face."

"Spencer." The photographer answered chuckling. "Carlin, we had Spanish together our Junior year. Remember writing about Spain?"

"I sure do!" Gracy exclaimed with a nice mixture of surprise and joy. "My my my, Spencer Carlin. Cheerleader, honor roll- Babe everyone hated you!" She teased while moving around the bar. "Let me give ya a warmer greeting." She pulled the smiling woman into her arms enthusiastically. "You look so good!"

"Me? Look at you! You're absolutely stunning."

"Thank you, it wasn't easy." She shook her head playfully. "I swear losing weight has been the hardest thing in the world! Now, lets talk about you awhile." She turned her head and met her companion's gaze. "I'm taking the rest of the day off." The older blonde nodded and gave her the go ahead. Gracy smiled and took Spencer's hand. "C'mere you."

Spencer allowed Gracy to lead them to the back. They took a seat in a corner booth away from the smoking and noise. "How long have you been working here?" the photographer's fingers tapped lightly on the table as she stared into familiar green eyes. Gracy was very attractive, she wouldn't mind taking the bartender out, maybe go to her place and get more comfortable. She decided if it came down to sleeping with the bartender she'd be honest and put out that she was only looking for a one night stand.

"A few years." Gracy moved strays of hair from her face. "Spencer, I heard some things about you from a couple of people." Spencer braced herself. "Is it true you and Rachael Henderson had sex?"

Spencer nodded briefly. "Yeah, I slept with the actress." She gauged her old classmate's face for a reaction. She didn't see any hate or disgust.

"Wow, that's really cool." She casually blew out. "So does that mean you're….gay?"

Spencer nodded again. "I hope that doesn't bother you."

"Oh it's no big deal." She looked around before meeting Spencer's gaze again. "I've also slept with women."

Ashley went inside the dark bar looking cautiously around. She had been inside clubs, not bars, so was curious about the place. She followed Kyla to a near by table and took a seat. The room was alive with music playing, people dancing and pool games going- Ashley eased up in her seat and looked at the 18 year old. "It's pretty busy." She looked back at the different aged people.

Kyla nodded and followed her sister's gaze. "It's Saturday and this the only little place to drink in our small town. I come here a lot, I'm not old enough to drink but it's still fun to hang out." She smiled and waved at a couple of people.

Ashley looked at her and agreed. "How's school going?"

Kyla met her gaze and brought her hand up, doing a 'so and so' motion. "I'm not failing anything." She answered sheepishly.

"That sounds reassuring." Ashley chuckled.

"How was your school life?"

"I hated school." She sighed. "But it's still important. I got into law school after high school but then dropped out."

"Why?"

Ashley played with the table cloth. "It got old and I wasn't that into it."

"Oh. Well what do you do now?"

"Nothing." She answered honestly, a hint of sadness in her voice as she spoke. "I hang out with rich bitches until Aiden comes home from practice."

"Wow." Kyla laughed in surprise. "Ashley that was kind of harsh, aren't those rich bitches your friends?"

"I guess." She mumbled and then turned her head. Her eyes fell on a foosball table. She looked back at Kyla. "Hey lets play a couple of rounds."

"I'm game."

Gracy nodded sympathetically at the photographer's words. Hearing about Spencer's past relationships was nearly heartbreaking. It sounded like the photographer was fighting back tears as she talked about all her cheating and deceiving. The bar tender could tell it really hurt the dark haired woman to talk about it, she wondered why she never stopped, but then she realized Spencer was trying to punish herself by reliving the pain. "Honey, everyone makes mistakes."

Spencer shook her head. "What I did was beyond a mistake. God, all the lies I told just to go out and sleep with another woman was more than a mistake. I really hurt my girlfriend with that shit." She closed her eyes and sighed deeply before opening them again. "I'm horrible."

"Spencer." The brunette cooed softly, wanting to make the photographer feel better. "You're not a bad person. I wish I can help you see that."

"Goal!" Kyla shouted with her arms high above her head.

Ashley sighed at losing her third game. "That's it, I need a break." She looked around. " A bathroom break." She looked back at Kyla. "Where's the bathroom?" The younger Davies pointed to the back. Ashley thanked her and then walked in that direction. She smiled timidly at everyone she passed. The men and women in the bar were nice social people. Her game with Kyla was interrupted more than once by friendly people who just wanted to talk. "Speaking of friendly people." She murmured with a small smile making its way up to her lips. Her eyes fell on Spencer and another woman in a booth. They were in a corner across from the bathrooms. Ashley's feet moved toward that direction but then froze when she saw the brunette's hand land over Spencer's. It was then that she noticed the photographer's sad expression. It immediately changed to surprise and then she nodded, her head moving slowly toward the bartender. Ashley watched frozen as gray eyes closed and lips touched- She was kissing a woman! Ashley's mind scream as the kiss easily deepened. Brown eyes moved down, away from the scene, and then closed when she noticed the pounding in her chest.

She had to get out of there.

Spencer kissed the bartender harder, allowing all of her sexual frustration to seep into the kiss. Finally, they broke apart and her eyes scanned the room. Ashley was gone, which didn't surprise her. The photographer had seen her for a brief second when her eyes were cast down. She looked so- Spencer stopped her thoughts and focused on Gracy.

"I really want to get out of here. Maybe go somewhere private?" She asked breathlessly.

Spencer smiled and nodded. "Private sounds good."

**xxxxxxx**

Ashley frowned at the bad singing coming from the stage. She looked away and leaned forward, her lips wrapped around a clear straw as she drank her sprite slowly, her ears screaming in protest at the horrible attempt to scream emotionally. She was starting to regret leaving with her family. Her father had suggested they go out and have fun. It was Sunday night and everyone but Ashley had gone to church. Ashley had told her father she had a head ache, it magically disappeared after a nice long nap. Now the family sat inside a family restaurant, it was karaoke night, aka hell to Ashley.

"That guy totally blows."

Ashley looked over at Kyla and nodded in agreement. "Him and the 20 people before him."

"Ashley," the brunette looked at her father. "How's the big A doing?"

"Aiden's fine." She answered looking away. She wasn't sure if he was or not, she ignored his calls and never made an attempt to return his messages. It was wrong and she knew it but she couldn't face him yet. She wasn't ready to break his heart.

Raife nodded as he replied happily, "That's my boy. I knew that kid was going to get far. He's everything I've ever wanted for you Baby girl." He looked over at Rhonda. "Did you ever send Ashley a copy of our wedding tape?"

"I got it." Ashley answered for her. "It looked amazing, I'm sorry I couldn't be there."

Raife met her gaze and waved it off. "No problem Baby girl, but your wedding is going to blow mine out of the water. I'm going to make sure you have the multi million dollar wedding you deserve. Me and my Boy have been discussing it."

The brunette sat speechless. She wondered what else her father and Aiden discussed, "What have you discussed?" She asked after finding her voice.

"This and that. He wants to have the wedding in Paris."

Kyla stared confusedly at Ashley. "You're engaged?"

"No." Ashley answered honestly.

"Not yet." Raife corrected with a big smile. "Enjoy your last moments as a single woman. They won't last forever."

Ashley smiled weakly, she knew her father was only teasing, but it was driving her crazy. All the marriage talk brought on a wave of depression. "You should go up there and sing." She suggested changing the subject.

Raife grabbed a handful of fries and shook his head. "Maybe later after I eat."

"Speaking of eating." Kyla interrupted. "Why can't we order? You keep telling the waitress we're not ready. I know for a fact that I'm ready."

Everyone at the table was startled when Raife stood up and yelled somewhat obnoxiously, waving someone over to their table. "You guys finally made it!!"

The color drained from Ashley's face when she saw the family. The Carlins. Her eyes were immediately casted down and quickly filled with terror when she heard Spencer's voice. She hadn't seen or spoken to the dark haired woman in a week. She purposely avoided the photographer after learning the truth about her. With a little help from the internet, she learned that the actor she had slept with was really an actress, Spencer was a lesbian. It made sense, especially after seeing her with the brunette at the bar- the thought stirred up anger within her. She pushed it all away and stood up. Her feet ushered her to the bathroom. She turned on the water, put it on cold, and washed her face.

"Ashley."

The brunette turned around and met Spencer's gaze.

Spencer stared unsurely at her. She didn't know how to approach the brunette. It was painfully obvious she was ignoring her, she understood why and it scared her. "I don't know what to say to you." She said honestly. "Tell me what I did wrong?" Ashley ignored her words and then walked away but couldn't get past her. Spencer stepped in front of her and lightly grasped her upper arms. She saw the anger in her brown eyes and it confirmed what she suspected. "She didn't mean anything to me."

Ashley was appalled. "I don't know what you're talking about. Let me go."

"I saw you at the bar Ashley." Spencer moved her hand up and cupped her cheek, surprised when the brunette vehemently turned her head. Her hand slowly dropped. "I'm sorry I hurt you-"

"I'm not like you Spencer!" She snarled. "I'm not a lesbian. You're clearly confused and I can't help you with that."

Spencer frowned. "I'm not the one who's confused here Ashley. I saw you when I kissed her. You were angry, the jealousy and pain was so easy to see-"

"I'm not listening to this." Ashley spat as she removed the hands off her body and walked toward the door. Her hand wrapped around the cold handle as she pulled it and walked out. She nearly ran back to the table, away from Spencer.

"Are you okay?" Kyla asked softly, her sister's face was somewhat flushed and breathing shaky.

"Fine." Ashley answered while taking another sip of her drink. Nearly thirty minutes later found Ashley in the same postion. Her eyes glued to the table cloth as she slowly ate. The conversations around her were meaningless. Her nerves were too bad to take part in any of them. She felt Spencer's eyes on her, just knowing they watched her was intimidating, staring into them would be terrifying. She couldn't do it.

"Okay next up we have a" The man speaking into the microphone paused. "Snap."

Ashley's head immediately came up, her eyes searched and then heart stopped when Spencer stepped on stage. She felt light headed and sick when the dark haired woman took the microphone, her eyes landing on hers, they were pleading as the music started.

_Oh my life is changing everyday  
in every possible way  
And oh my dreams  
it's never quite as it seems  
Never quite as it seems_

Ashley sat stunned as her eyes watched the dark haired woman sing.

_I know I felt like this before  
But now I'm feeling it even more  
Because it came from you  
Then I open up and see  
The person falling here is me  
A different way to be_

Snap, that couldn't be her.

_I want more, impossible to ignore  
Impossible to ignore  
And they'll come true  
impossible not to do  
Impossible not to do _

Brown eyes closed as all the pieces fell together, the cameras, the eyes….

_And now I tell you openly  
You have my heart so don't hurt me  
You're what I couldn't find  
A totally amazing mind  
So understanding and so kind  
You're everything to me  
_  
Ashley gazed into her eyes and saw the love and vulnerability pooling in her gray green orbs- It had to be Snap.

_Oh my life is changing everyday  
In every possible way  
And oh my dreams  
it's never quite as it seems  
'cause you're a dream to me  
Dream to me_

Ashley couldn't take it. She was emotionally drained and confused out of her mind. Her chair slid back as she stood up and walked away from the table, heading toward the exit. The cool air outside felt good, she found herself walking through the parking lot, going faster every second, after a minute, she was running. Her eyes scanned the area as her legs took off, running through familiar roads. Ashley felt nothing as she ran. Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, all of them revolving around Spencer. Snap, the doctors said she was only a figment of her imagination. They couldn't have been wrong. The burning in her muscles signaled she was ready to stop, but then she heard yelling and it only encouraged her to run faster, farther. Finally, she collapsed on her knees. Her lungs burned as her head hung low, her hands grasping painfully hard at the grass.

Spencer collapsed next to her and then crawled in front of her. "Ashley." There was concern in her voice as she reached out and stroked her soft face. Again, Ashley turned her head away from her touch. "Go away." The brunette whispered shakily.

"Why?" The photographer questioned softly, her hand reaching out and cupping her face, forcing her to make eye contact. "Why are you fighting this?" She demanded gently. "I know you feel it too Ashley."

"This is crazy Spencer." She stared into haunting gray eyes and found herself fighting back tears. "You've been in my dreams almost every night for the last 17 years." She saw the surprise on Spencer's face and laughed bitterly. "You ruined my childhood. When I started 2nd grade I made no friends. Why? Because none of the other kids were you. My mother grew concerned and I saw doctors. They beat this idea that you weren't real, it killed me. But then I started seeing you in my dreams and we'd play and you'd love me. They say we don't feel in dreams but I felt it Spencer. The feeling has followed me up to this point, I've never felt it with Aiden and it's something I've always dreamt about." Tears fell slowly from her eyes. "I feel it with you Spencer and it scares me to death."

Spencer hesitantly reached out and took her hand. "I'm scared too." She brought her hand up and kissed her knuckles softly. "But I promise I won't hurt you."

Ashley's heart began to pound as she stared into Spencer's face. Her hand lightly shook in her grasp and mouth unable to move, keeping her from voicing what was on her mind. Stopping! She shouldn't be doing this with Spencer, there was still Aiden back at home. She wanted to look away from the gray eyes that had captured hers, but couldn't. They were like a priceless piece of art, too precious to look away from. They kept her quiet and mesmerized.

Spencer could tell there was some inner conflict running through her mind. It didn't surprise her. Her mind was also at war with her heart. Getting up, leaving and forgetting this every happened would be the logical thing to do. But her eyes stared into Ashley's and the beauty that was her face was the only thing that made sense to her. The girl was completely beautiful, her dark brown eyes and soft tanned skin always took her breath away. How could she walk away from her? She saw the emotions cross through dark eyes and closed her own, leaning forward, her lips brushed against the soft ones of Ashley's.

A surprise gasp escaped the brunette as one of Spencer's intertwined in her hair, holding her gently as the kiss deepened. Their breathing mingled as lips moved slowly against each other. Ashley was in total awe at how soft the photographer's lips were, the piercing also added onto her arousal, the cold metal gently tickling her skin as her lips moved over it. The brunette was in heaven, the feeling intensified when Spencer slipped her tongue in her mouth. Ashley moaned, her mouth becoming hungry, she welcomed the photographer's tongue and they kissed harder until she found herself on her back with Spencer hovering over her. Their lips broke apart and their breathing came fast, chests heaving, Ashley stared into Spencer's face and noticed she was looking away. Her hand reached out and turned her head, they made eye contact. "What's wrong?" her fingers traced down her jaw, stroking the taunt muscles there.

Spencer smiled a little, loving how the moon highlighted her face as her hand stroked her soft skin. "I was just scared to see your reaction." The brunette cupped her face and she turned her head, kissing a soft tanned palm, she looked back at Ashley and leaned into her touch. "I was afraid you'd hate me." Her voice quivered a little as gray eyes bore into brown.

"Never." Ashley answered quietly, her eyes flickering up and landing on the moon. She noticed where they were at that moment. It shocked her, she looked back into loving gray eyes. "We're in the clearing." She gasped. "I ran that far?"

"Yeah." Spencer chuckled softly. "it's fine though, I kind of like it out here." Her eyes softened as her eyes scanned the area. "It's where we met."

"I remember that." Ashley mused with a small smile. "You were this small blonde girl with a camera and I found you taking pictures. You're eyes were what really got me." Spencer looked down at her. "I could stare into them all day and all night long."

A dark head leaned forward, stopping a hairs breath away from softly panting lips. "Let me give you that chance Ashley." She pleaded softly, her eyes begging for the brunette to agree.

Ashley didn't say anything, her answer was to wrap her arms around Spencer's neck, urging her down, their lips met again and they kissed urgently. Spencer's mouth opened against Ashley's and she whimpered when their tongues touched. Ashley pulled the dark haired woman close to her, their bodies came together and it felt so right to the brunette. Her hands traveled along the photographer's back and slipped under her shirt, her fingertips grazed her warm skin as the kiss deepened.

Spencer felt the soft breasts pressing against her own and lost what little resolve she had. She pulled away and sat up, her legs straddling the brunette's hips as she whipped off her shirt. Ashley stared at the soft skin covering Spencer's torso and swallowed hard. Panic welled up within her when she realized where things were going. "Spencer." She urged the confused photographer off her and also sat up. With a shaky hand she brought it up to her hair and stroked her waves nervously. "I'm scared." She breathed staring at Spencer. "I…I wouldn't even know how to touch you."

"It's fine Ashley." Spencer moved closer to the brunette and took her hand. "I'll show you." Her hand reached out and cupped soft tanned skin, Spencer kissed Ashley softly while guiding her hand up to her left breast. Ashley froze when she felt the taunt nipple press against the palm of her hand, she pulled back and stared into Spencer's eyes, the hand over hers trembled slightly. "You're nervous." She mused as her hand continued to lightly tease the covered bud.

Spencer nodded while fighting back a shudder. "You've made me nervous since day one." She took Ashley's mouth again and dropped her hand from the brunette's. It moved down her slender side, brushing over the swell of her breast. "God I want you so much, Ashley." She nipped at her bottom lip while feeling her bra being unsnapped. She allowed the white garment to fall to the floor while staring at the hem of Ashley's shirt. She wanted it gone. Her eyes flicked to Ashley's and she easily nodded. Eager hands guided the shirt off her lover's lean tanned body and then trembled when they moved to undo Ashley's bra. Gray eyes stayed glued to brown as Ashley's firm breasts were freed. Spencer stared at the perfect globes wanting to ravish them, but mentally chastised herself to go slow. Gentle hands reached out and cupped full breasts.

Ashley's eyes closed as a soft sigh escaped her lips, her body felt warm under Spencer's touch, a light pounding erupted between her legs, it only intensified when a warm mouth enveloped her aroused peak. A tanned hand reached up and sensually stroked Spencer's face as she devoured her tanned breast, much different than Aiden, she thought surprisingly. It all felt so good though, sending wave after wave of wetness between her legs. "I want to feel you against me." She requested breathlessly.

Spencer nipped lightly at the darkened bud, loving Ashley's whimper, and looked up into brown eyes. They were dark with desire, matching her own. Spencer urged her on her back on the soft grass and moved on top of her, their mouths instantly joined along with their upper bodies. "Touch me Ashley." Spencer pleaded against her lips, her body shifting as Ashley's hand hesitantly moved up to cup her breast. Tanned fingers touched and then closed over a hard nipple, tugging it gently, she watched Spencer's eyes roll in the back of her head as a long moan escaped her lips. So beautiful, Ashley thought for the thousandth time since meeting the photographer.

"Oh Ashley." Spencer breathed to the sky as she felt her mouth close over her breast. She felt Ashley's hands move down and fumble with the button on her jeans.

"I want these off, I want to feel you Spencer."

The photographer nodded and moved over to removed her jeans and underwear. Ashley watched her with a racing heart, a wave of dizziness fell over her when she saw the photographer naked for the first time. The hairs between her legs were light and neatly trimmed, she looked up into Spencer's grinning face and blushed. Ashley lied on her back sitting up on her elbows. "Your turn." Spencer reached out and undid her jeans, sliding them down her tanned legs, Ashley blushed harder when the photographer took a moment to look her over. "Gorgeous." The photographer gasped while moving back up into Ashley's arms. Their naked bodies molded together, sending delicious waves of pleasure through both of them. Spencer stared loving down at her, their foreheads barely touching as their breaths mingled together. "I've never felt this close to anybody before." She felt Ashley's arms move up and wrap around her shoulders, pressing them closer together. "I promise you won't regret this Ashley."

"I'll always cherish this moment Spencer." Ashley shut her eyes as Spencer's mouth fell over hers again. They kissed slowly, savoring each other's soft lips as warm hands roamed over heated bodies. They both felt the heat increase, their kissing soon turned desperate, tongues danced as their need for each other grew. Spencer broke the kiss panting but didn't stop, she kissed the corner of Ashley's lips and then down her neck, nipping at the hollow of her throat, she hovered over a taunt nipple and felt Ashley's hands in her hair, pushing her down, she claimed the dark nipple with her mouth and sucked hungrily on it. Ashley's legs opened instinctively and she nestled between them, moving lightly against her need, she felt Ashley push up against her, her wetness staining the skin on her thigh.

"Spencer." Ashley trembled when she felt the hand run down her body, lightly stroking the soft triangle of hairs between her legs, Ashley's breath caught and eyes close, "Please touch me Baby." She begged breathlessly. "I need you Spencer, Oh god I need you so much." She hadn't' felt this good before, it was everything she had ever dreamt about, Spencer was a dream come true. "Spencer." She cried out when Spencer's fingers lightly stroked her lips, her hips jerked when they slid into her wetness.

Spencer groaned against the tanned flesh in her mouth. She wanted to take Ashley hard, her fingers were drenched in her desire, it'd be so easy to fuck the brunette's brains out, but she resisted as her fingers moved slowly against Ashley's frantically moving hips.

"Spencer. Oh Baby, this feels so good." Spencer's fingers took her higher with each plunge, it felt heavenly.

Hearing her name moaned, gasped, and whispered from Ashley's lips was driving her mad with desire. She broke away from her breast and moved up, kissing Ashley hard, she felt the brunette whimper in her mouth as she pulled her fingers out of her. "I want you too fucking bad." Spencer groaned against her lips.

Ashley watched her move down her body and surprise filled her eyes when she realized where she was headed. "What are you-"

"Don't worry, you'll like it." Spencer felt the brunette's hands on her shoulders as she kissed around her navel, her tongue dipping into it's depression as her fingertips grazed her inner thighs. Spencer nipped at her skin and then moved down, covering Ashley's womanhood with her mouth, she groaned blissfully at her taste. Ashley followed quickly behind as she felt the photographer pleasure her with her tongue. "Spencer…Oh god." Her heart was pounding incredibly hard against her chest, she was sure she was going to die of pleasure. Her hips pressed eagerly against Spencer's face, her eyes closed as she soared to the sky. The feeling was so incredibly new to her, Aiden had never tried to love her this way. She was glad Spencer was her first. "Spencer!" She cried out when she felt the photographer's tongue plunge deep inside her. Her fingernails dug deep into soft pale skin as she went over the edge, a burst of several different colors filled her vision as wave after wave of pleasure swept through her. Finally, her body went limp and she found herself scooped up into a loving embrace. She felt the photographer whisper softly into her ear as she held on tightly to her. Her eyes peeked up from a soft smooth neck and met gray eyes. "I love you Snap." She said softly.

Spencer bent down kissed her damp forehead softly. "I love you too Ashley."


End file.
